Feb
09
As much as theoretically I saw a helpful gender identity distinction at the boundary-line between male and female, I have found the distinction difficult to sustain on the ground.
For me to behave in a feminine manner, I have to channel a distinctly female energy within myself. I am not able to become a feminine man other than by seeing the world from as female a perspective as I can muster, and then stepping back over the line by filtering out certain clothes.
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Feb
06
It seemed to me an awfully big deal to finally see the possibility of expressing my feminine gender identity as a man rather than as a woman. (See Trying on the Yaoi Gender Mix for Size and A New Take on My Male Gender Identity for more.)
I have expressed concerns about the latter, feeling to some degree, inauthentic, or put on. And, I have expressed the opinion that as long as I stay on the male side of the coin, the degree of my femininity is merely a question of fashion and therefore not subject to the same kinds of reactions and objections as gender questions might be.
Well, I didn’t get very far along this yaoi road before reality – at least my reality – stepped squarely in my path.
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Feb
04
I followed up my performance at that last party by wearing the same teal green booties with white pants and a women’s casual top (and even a bit of mascara) to a dinner party with some of the same friends.
Again nothing.
At one point in the evening, we were discussing some celebrities, and one of the women mentioned that she didn’t like the way Brad Pitt looked with long hair. Too greasy, too droopy, no body – just didn’t look right.
“Maybe they thought that if they gave his hair more body, he’d look too feminine,” I piped in helpfully.
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Feb
01
I just thought I’d direct your attention to an interesting article from the BBC entitled “Why Did Men Stop Wearing High Heels?”
For the uninitiated, it seems that men used to have long hair, wear flowing, frilly clothes, and yes, high heels. At times, this was done for functional reasons; other times, it was to signify wealth and class.
Equally interesting is that high heels were out of fashion for a time for both genders.
It was not only designers but changing gender and class roles and social mores that influenced who wore the pants… or stilettos… in the family.
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Jan
24
I obviously recognize that whatever I have done or wanted to do as a woman – or, on the other hand, as a man, “I” (as in the whole of me) did or wanted to do. And, despite genuinely feeling that these were two distinct and separate parts of me, I always felt just a little fraudulent implying with my separate personas that I was somehow two separate people. I was not and am not suffering from multiple personality disorder, I have always been fully aware of both sides of myself, I knew I had but one body, one brain, one heart.
In short, regardless of how it’s framed, whether a feminine male or two personas, I must “own” all of it.
My increasing realization that Janie is me and I am Janie, and that I was never comfortable with the logical flaw in seeing myself as two people has led me to try to find a way to make it all one.
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Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
Read More»Jan
19
Updating my male gender identity to include seeing my male self in feminine terms would be a most profound change for me. What I am contemplating here flies in the face of everything I have done to defend the purity of my male self as a regular guy separate and apart from my feminine side. That was precisely the driving force behind the emergence of a separate persona to express a side of me that was incompatible with who I had been until then.
Nowhere is this more profound than in terms of my sexuality.
To me, being Janie means not only the superficial, social and emotional aspects of womanhood, but also an attraction for men. As I have always viewed sexuality in heterosexual terms, it was so implicit that I never gave it much thought: like duh, if I am female, I am attracted to men.
But then, if I am morphing the straight woman that Janie is into a feminine male version of myself, then I would have to get my mind around the idea that I, as a guy, can be attracted to men.
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Jan
14
The last time I spoke about gender identity, I spoke about applying the concept of a yaoi character to my own life, of perhaps being an extremely feminine male. It may seem very similar to what’s going on now, but there are important differences that make it both appealing and challenging.
In my mind, the whole concept can be described succinctly and bluntly as essentially Janie without the claim of womanhood and without the second identity (or gender identity). And, quite possibly without the heels and skirts.
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Jan
09
Yaoi, to my understanding, are cartoons involving love between young men possessed of a large dose of feminine beauty. I have been wondering lately whether such a concept has any application to me. (I realize that I have briefly explored this concept of gender before, but I think I am a bit more open to the idea than I was then.)
Thinking about the gender spectrum, what if I, or rather my gender mix, took a step back from being female, tiptoed across that spectrum just past the tipping point back to the male side? My hair is already a profound statement that I have moved along the spectrum towards femininity from my old masculine self; I could push it further by wearing a bit of makeup, or jewelry, or piercing my ears.
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Jan
05
The original post started as follows: “So, I’ve been told that to describe a trans person as “being born in the wrong body” is simplistic and offensive.”
When I originally happened upon this online discussion, I didn’t think it would amount to anything other than some very sensitive people having their say.
The first few responses were predictable: y’know, stuff like “everyone has their own point of view…,” “ask the offended person for their personal reason…,” blah, blah, blah…
So, I dutifully responded: “It may be simplistic, but simple ways of describing things are usually very effective. Offensive? – well some people get offended by anything. If I had to guess, I would say that if you do the math, telling someone they have a man’s body makes them a man, so someone who feels themself a woman could be put off. Perhaps they would prefer “a woman who is uncomfortable with the incompatible sexual characteristics of her body.”
A Female’s Body is a Female Body
The next responder put it much better and more succinctly:
“Because the person is a woman, thus, it is a woman’s body. That it does not conform to society’s preconceptions of “female” is irrelevant.”
…and we were on our way…
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