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2013Gender Identity – Unifying Theory
I obviously recognize that whatever I have done or wanted to do as a woman – or, on the other hand, as a man, “I” (as in the whole of me) did or wanted to do. And, despite genuinely feeling that these were two distinct and separate parts of me, I always felt just a little fraudulent implying with my separate personas that I was somehow two separate people. I was not and am not suffering from multiple personality disorder, I have always been fully aware of both sides of myself, I knew I had but one body, one brain, one heart.
In short, regardless of how it’s framed, whether a feminine male or two personas, I must “own” all of it.
My increasing realization that Janie is me and I am Janie, and that I was never comfortable with the logical flaw in seeing myself as two people has led me to try to find a way to make it all one.
Maybe, it has all been a learning curve. Maybe Janie is just a protected mode for allowing these things to come out, and now that I have gotten used to them, I can fold them carefully into my old self like a marble cake batter, so that pink and blue make, not a horrible purple (see Double Life, Single Person), but a wonderful blue cake with ethereal pink swirls.
Maybe…
Ashley
Or should you be a pink cake with blue swirls? If you say that you really are Janie and Janie is you then be Janie.
If you find the concept of gay (male) sex unattractive, perhaps what you might find more attractive is sex as a female including sex with a woman as a female Janie. ?
Janie
Yes, Ashley, could be a pink cake with blue swirls – seems like it more and more.
As far as the sex thing goes, my best sense of myself is that I am interested primarily in the sex opposite to my gender. I am ok with female-female sex, but all things considered, I’d usually rather have sex with a woman as a man. But, I am all up for trying it as a woman! 😉
shannon
If truly you are Janie, and Janie is you, then you’ve been having sex with a woman, AS a woman all along….regardless of how you may have been dressed……well, undressed, I guess. 😉
And I get the physical inference and differences I assume you’re referring to. Guess I’m talking more on the mental and emotional plane here.
Janie
Not so, dear friend.
In fact, it could be argued that what I have said means exactly the opposite – that I am always a man, including when I am Janie – that I have to fold that feminine part of me into my male self somehow.
But, I will confess I am not entirely certain how well that theory flies, anyway.
Regardless of whether I am male or female when I am Janie, the man in me is still around. So, it is possible to be having sex as a man.
We talked about sexuality recently, and here it is again. Regardless of how I may be… undressed… the question is which sexuality am I expressing. Making love as a man is quite different from doing so as a woman – even with the same person.