The original post started as follows: “So, I’ve been told that to describe a trans person as “being born in the wrong body” is simplistic and offensive.”

When I originally happened upon this discussion in Fetlife (link only works if you’re a member of Fetlife, sorry)  I didn’t think it would amount to anything other than some very sensitive people having their say.

The first few responses were predictable: y’know, stuff like “everyone has their own point of view…,” “ask the offended person for their personal reason…,” blah, blah, blah…

So, I dutifully responded: “It may be simplistic, but simple ways of describing things are usually very effective. Offensive? – well some people get offended by anything.  If I had to guess, I would say that if you do the math, telling someone they have a man’s body makes them a man, so someone who feels themself a woman could be put off. Perhaps they would prefer “a woman who is uncomfortable with the incompatible sexual characteristics of her body.”

A Female’s Body is a Female Body

The next responder put it much better and more succinctly:

“Because the person is a woman, thus, it is a woman’s body. That it does not conform to society’s preconceptions of “female” is irrelevant.”

…and we were on our way…

Another poster quoted Little Light’s Taking Steps blog:

“I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body. This body is no man’s; it is mine, it is me, and there is no man in that equation.”

Yet another:

“My biggest problem with this trope is that it basically reduces the whole body with all of its wonderful functions to a few primary and secondary sex characteristics… My body is awesome, regardless of anatomy or whatever is socially expected. It’s a healthy body. It’s not a wrong body. It is my body. It just has some flaws.”

Interesting direction for this to take, I thought. To my mind, there are logical implications from this that certain people are not going to like…

Who are you trying to please?

Others posted similar thoughts, including this one:

“A trans telling you he or she is born in the wrong body comply with the essentialist notion that there’s one defined biological body for one given gender… Trans peoples aren’t trapped in their body, they’re trapped by essentialism and binary thinking. So, what would be more accurate is “In the eye of society, I’m in the wrong body”… When trans folks seeks transition, it’s also an act of good will from them. They accept to risk everything in order to match society expectations of how their body should look, so they can be functionals.”

Now, they are connecting the dots… I wondered if they’d get there… or if there would be a huge backlash. Yes to the first, a surprising no to the second, at least so far.

Here’s another: “I prefer to explain it as being born with a male body and a female brain, and I am transitioning so as to match my body to my brain….I don’t think it would work for everyone, for instance many trans women opt to keep their male genitalia…”

And another: “If you think, like those with “birth defect” or with “the wrong body”, that there’s only one right body for the gender you identify with and you’re not born with this body, you’re forever screwed.”

Finally: “It’s not necessarily a problem, honestly, and therefore not necessarily the “wrong” body… All it means is your brain is designed one way, the rest of the body another. This doesn’t mean that it’s wrong, just that it’s different…The problem is more so that other people have this restrictive “body = gender = behaviour = CONFORM OR DIE”… The only reason my body is “wrong”, is because other people think it’s wrong, and go out of their way to emphasize that point… Yes, I have the whole GID dealie where it’s really kind of confusing at times, because the body doesn’t seem “right”, but it doesn’t really seem particularly “wrong”, either.”

My Body is a Woman’s Body Not the Wrong Body

So, my body is not a man’s body, it is simply my body. If I am female, it is a female’s body. It is quite liberating to understand it in these terms because it means that living as a woman does not require surgery or body modification to make me complete. Whatever parts I have, whether I have chosen to reshape them or not, I am no less a woman.

There are those among us who will tell you, quite stridently, that SRS is the defining issue in the difference between being truly trans and being a man pretending to be a woman. It is heartening to see a whole discussion by people who turn that notion on its head.

The implication I derive from the discussion above is that, as personal and profound as it may be, SRS can be seen as an attempt to conform to society’s expectations about what a woman is, rejecting the mix of genders one might have been born with as a disease or disorder.

I am not belittling the plight of those who feel a life-or-death need to have that surgery. It is no small thing to feel like you are not the way you ought to be, not the way almost everyone else is, that your appearance does not conform to your soul. I cannot conceive of your suffering, your emotional pain.

All I am saying is that there may be another way out, for some… that accepting the idea that gender is not two fixed points may help. And, most of all, I am saying that even if you cannot accept that notion for yourself, understand that others who can are not somehow lesser for that ability, and that a failure on your part to accept them just makes their life more difficult, in a way you should particularly understand.