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2013A New Take on My Male Gender Identity
The last time I spoke about gender identity, I spoke about applying the concept of a yaoi character (click here for additional info on this genre) to my own life, of perhaps being an extremely feminine male. It may seem very similar to what’s going on now, but there are important differences that make it both appealing and challenging.
In my mind, the whole concept can be described succinctly and bluntly as essentially Janie without the claim of womanhood and without the second identity (or gender identity). And, quite possibly without the heels and skirts.
These provide great comfort in allowing me to be just one person – exactly the number I have always suspected that I am.
I can easily exploit my considerable gender identity range from “guy-guy” to “yaoi” without having to consider pretense or authenticity or things of that sort. Psychologically, I think that’s significant.
Also, I started to realize that if I stay on the male side of that tipping point between being seen as male and being perceived as female, then anything I do is simply a matter of aesthetics, as opposed to any fundamental gender or orientation question.
The clothes I choose, the way I wear my hair – no one can really judge me any more for being feminine than for colors not matching or whatever.
In short, it is a matter of taste; it is no big deal.
And, that is a big deal; huge in fact!
Ashley
If that’s what you want and you feel thats what you are, then do that. but what if you’re wrong? What if this isn’t a delusion. You say that Janie the female is an illusion, fake, not your truth. But perhps it really is your truth but you are too blind to see it.
Some have said that when we transition the male psyche dies and the female psyche now lives. Perhps this is the last grand bargain that will allow the male psyche to live and remain dominant.
I recommended therapy for you to be able to sort it all out. I think it is IMPERATIVE that you do so. You cannot find your truth by yourself. Your mental health and your well-being is at stake here. It is that important that you get professionaly psychological help to determine your truth. Just note, you’re not mentally ill, nor are you confused. You just need an independent review of your feelings.
Janie
“Perhps this is the last grand bargain that will allow the male psyche to live and remain dominant.” – I have thought about this, to be honest. I don’t have an answer yet, but I am aware of the possibility.
No one is going to know which (or both) is my truth except me. No one can tell me. All anyone can do is help me ask good questions and hope the answer becomes apparent to me.
That is why I keep asking questions, keep trying new tacks. (also, it keeps my blog going…) I don’t know that Janie is or is not my truth. I just keep trying new ways to figure it out. And your input has helped a lot. Thanks.
Klyde
I kind of agree with Ashley some time with a therapist skilled in gender issues is probably long over due.
cyrsti
I agree with you Janie. May you be at peace and the world will follow!
Mila Fontaine
Ya’ know – maybe it’s just me, but when people advise me to “See a Therapist” it always feels condescending & elitist. Sometimes open & intelligent people with courage can work out their own issues without having an “Expert”. i’ve been down the Therapy road enough to realize that in many case these so called experts are neither as smart, insightful or wise as some may think. I definitely trust my deep friends & family and have found their insight superior to those being paid to give advice. SO PLEASE, let’s stop throwing the “Therpist” card at Janie…..
Janie
Mila, I take it all in the spirit I assume it was intended – kindness. Nevertheless, I agree with you that it can come off elitist and condescending, plus it assumes I have never tried therapy (which I guess also seems condescending).
I would hope my thoughts stand on their own merits or lack thereof and we can discuss them as they are. There seems to be a presumption that I would not be struggling with these issues or thinking these thoughts if I were in therapy. Well, that doesn’t say much for the quality of my thoughts, does it?
I also agree with you that therapy is not a panacea. Successful therapy first involves knowing the patient really well – something friends often have years’ head-start on relative to a therapist. Anyway, as I understand it, therapists rarely have the right answers – they do sometimes provide the right questions, though.
Thanks for interposing on my behalf, Mila. Much appreciated.