02
2013On Gender Change – Hair’s the Thing
I think one of the most profound realizations that came to me in the course of considering the whole yaoi thing was the idea that I have been taking for granted the effect that the changes to my hair (both on my head – where the change is to more and longer – and on my body, where the change is to less and none) have achieved already.
I have been thinking so much about the effects that I might have to encounter if people I knew found out that I was a feminine man or even a part-time female, or whichever way we decide to characterize what it is that I am or do.
But, what I seem not have realized until this point is that the changes that I make going forward will probably surprise no one.
I have been taking for granted the fact that they have swallowed my longer-than-shoulder-length hair, and my smooth body. Those are two of the biggest markers there are in terms of feminizing oneself, and far more significant that ear-piercing or jewelry-wearing. Makeup is probably up there, but again, the door is open and it is time that I realized it and walked right through.
Last night I went to a party wearing narrow men’s pants, a fairly androgynous women’s sweater and women’s teal-colored cowboy booties. People noticed and commented on my shoes, mostly complimentary, if you can believe it, but it seems that no one gave my increasingly feminine appearance any thought at all.
Suzi
I’m still taking bets that HRT is in your future – probably sooner than later 🙂
shannon
I’m with Suzi here.
I’m sure they gave your feminine appearance plenty of thought but just didn’t express it to you. Some probably were thinking that you sure are getting bold. Others maybe, “see, I told you, I knew it”. They all may be wondering why you don’t just “come out”.
Just because they don’t say anything to you doesn’t mean they aren’t noticing. Many of us are probably leaking gender so much that we aren’t fooling anybody in boy mode, and they’re just waiting for us to tell them what they’ve already figured out. Just maybe those people have already accepted what we’re trying to keep from them.
BTW,you look great in the picture…100% girl great. If you wore that “as a guy”, believe me, they know.
Janie
If everyone knows and they don’t care, well that’s just great. Hard to believe my being this way would not create any fallout – so I am still too cynical to believe that they know. But, I am happy to be proven wrong.
Ashley
Janie: There will be fallout….there will be some who just won’t know how to treat you and theyu’ll fall away. FWFW, men and women ARE reated tifferently in daily interactions between people. It can be subtle or obvious and when you’re “in between” some won’t know how to treat or interact with you. But it is THEIR issue. Many will come back once you’ve completed transition. Others won’t. But it is their issue.
When you go on HRT, opt for the patch especially if you’re over 40. Pills get to go through the liver and the least load on the liver after 40 is better for you.
Janie
So, all are agreed that I am bound for HRT. Interesting. Have I not expressed enough of a focus on my sexuality to convince anyone that I would not be willing to trade my sex drive for gender? Have I not mentioned how wonderfully special I think it is to be both genders, or at least a “special” kind of woman?
We will all know the answer in time, I suppose.
shannon
Yes, you have made those points, and I ‘m behind you all the way…wherever that way goes….but even though you love being both genders, as you say, all of the talk, focus, and attention seems to be on incorporating more and more of Janie into him. It all seems to be pushing the female envelope. That’s fine, NP, but that shows everybody the focus is Janie, Janie, Janie. Folks read that and decide that Janie is who you really want, and where you’ll end up. At least some of them have been right where you are, and finally evolved into just their female self….so they just speak from experience.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. 🙂
Leann
Janie,
There are probably two main groups of people you are encountering these days amongst your friends and relatives along with the party goers you speak of here. The first group realize what is going on and are either content or, as someone said already, thinking “when is (s)he going to just finish coming out?”. The second group is a group that realize what is going on and for one reason or another is in denial. In either case, I would suggest, most realize who you are.
Best Regards,
Leann
Janie
I guess I just find it hard to believe that if they do know that there as been absolutely no discernible social price to pay.
Klyde
This yaoi phase or whatever one calls it is fascinating. Having never been where you are I don’t have anything to offer except to say that Shannon sounds spot on to me.
Janie
Shannon, Klyde, I do accept the advice of those that have gone before me with gratitude and give it a great deal of weight, believe me. And, I don’t pretend to really know where I will end up with all this. If there weren’t all those contradictions, it would be easy. But those contradictions do exist and that makes it hard for me – though evidently they present less of a problem for those giving me advice.