Nov
14
Comments on my recent post about dealing with the temptation to get my ears pierced ran inevitably toward the idea that one should do what makes one happy, especially when it comes to one’s body.
I replied there and repeat here, that we live among people, and the quality of our lives depends to a great extent on the relationships we create.
To be able to put at risk relationships that have endured decades on the hope that others of comparable richness will rise to take their place is an act of courage, no doubt.
I understand that a person has to be true to herself. But, in many issues – and perhaps in most of the issues of complex soul-searching – the truth is not so clear, at least to me.
Others seem to see my true nature so much more clearly than I can, and I have to ask myself whether I am being dense or they are jumping to unwarranted conclusions.
I know that a big part of my hesitation is that I am at a stage where moving forward is a big step – perhaps not so much externally as conceptually. Not moving forward is also a big decision, but not deciding is less so.
It would be nice to just allow myself to float the way my emotions lead.
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Nov
10
Since I started up this new site, I have scarcely had enough time to put into my modeling efforts. I haven’t even managed to introduce my blog readers to the photos I have posted in the modeling section of this site from shoots I have already done.
Well, today’s the day.
This will be the first in an intermittent series on the photos in my modeling portfolio.
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Nov
07
I put nail polish on my fingernails a few days ago, and wow, what an incredible intrusion it has been in my life!
…no, not really in a bad way; more of an enlightenment really.
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Oct
29
The Saturday night before Halloween is often the best party night of the holiday, as people can stay out late and let loose.
With Halloween on Wednesday night, and people having to get up for work on Thursday, the parties do get a bit sparse after a few hours, and the incredible efforts some folks put into their costumes don’t get their full return. So, Saturday night’s the night.
I was pretty much in awe of the shindig thrown by the Subspace people (http://www.subspacelive.ca/) at a place called the Opera House. The venue was decked out professionally to look its ghoulish best, the soaring ceilings and terrific lighting system made for an amazing space, and the shows they did on stage were equally impressive.
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Oct
24
After my last two dating posts (Oops, I Did It Again – A Dating Post-Mortem and Dating and Sex – Smarter the Second Time), I want to elaborate on what may seem to many an inconsistent or schizophrenic dating approach. In fact, some may see me as teasing men and leading them on, only to slam the door in their faces.
I plead innocence. I never promise anything I won’t deliver, and I do my best to clearly set the limits, when I know what they are. To the extent I am confusing anyone, it is because I am still learning the ropes.
Anyway, there are no guarantees on a date and it is a woman’s prerogative to say no at any time. I am not playing games; rather I am trying to protect myself physically and emotionally as best I can. If I change my mind, it is because I am uncomfortable with my previous decision. It may be frustrating, but it is honest. Sorry.
I am a playful little kitten, and quite frankly, the idea of a one-night stand with a stranger is appealing, but only theoretically.
However, as a real-life thing, it is not such a good idea for three main reasons:
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Oct
22
I don’t know what’s in the water these days, but it seems that men have been unusually attentive to me lately.
I say this not to brag or anything, but rather to preface my second chance to do right where I stumbled last time (see Oops, I Did It Again – A Dating Post-Mortem).
This time, it was a much more attractive man with somewhat less skill in the socializing department than the previous candidate.
After some time hanging out together, he invited me up for the proverbial cup of coffee. I had a pretty good idea what was on his mind, but I went anyway, knowing that I was well prepared this time after my last affair and could handle whatever came my way without any chance of violating my rules.
Sure enough, the minute he got me alone he transformed into a lustful, panting man on the prowl, groping and such.
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Oct
20
It actually took me by surprise, my reaction to this clerk referring to me and my GF as “ladies.”
We started the day going out for coffee and pedicures, followed by a stop on our way home at Home Depot. We needed to get some answers about some work that needed to be done at our home, what was involved, whether we could do it ourselves or have to hire someone, what it all would cost, etc., etc.
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Oct
06
When I first started out as Janie, I heard that many people considered t-girls misogynistic. I couldn’t believe my ears, feeling that imitation is the highest form of flattery.
But, I do understand now.
There is a cohort of “t-girls” who disrespect themselves and in so doing disrespect women.
They assume the role of womanhood mainly for the purpose of co-opting feminine values in the service of their own masculine desires.
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Oct
03
I am pretty hard on myself. But sometimes, the judgments I pass on myself have implications for my understanding of being a tgirl generally.
I sometimes see masculinity in myself in place of my femininity, and I recoil. I know I can fix it through an adjustment of clothing, makeup, hairstyle or attitude, and everything will be ok.
But, what if I couldn’t?
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Oct
01
I am still having trouble conceptualizing my feelings about gender in certain respects.
We are all, to some extent, a blend of the masculine and the feminine, and transfolk more emphatically so.
But I find certain manifestations of this hard to understand, even as I accept the person’s right to be the way they are.
I know I have mentioned this before but I think I have a bit of a better handle on it now: the way I perceive a photo of a man with a beard, wearing a dress. I am sorry, but I find it to be off-putting. This is just an honest reaction. Obviously his concept of what’s attractive and mine are quite different. Nothing wrong with that.
But, it sets me to wondering why I find his choices so unattractive…
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