After my last two dating posts (Oops, I Did It Again – A Dating Post-Mortem and Dating and Sex – Smarter the Second Time), I want to elaborate on what may seem to many an inconsistent or schizophrenic dating approach. In fact, some may see me as teasing men and leading them on, only to slam the door in their faces.

I plead innocence. I never promise anything I won’t deliver, and I do my best to clearly set the limits, when I know what they are. To the extent I am confusing anyone, it is because I am still learning the ropes.

Anyway, there are no guarantees on a date and it is a woman’s prerogative to say no at any time. I am not playing games; rather I am trying to protect myself physically and emotionally as best I can. If I change my mind, it is because I am uncomfortable with my previous decision. It may be frustrating, but it is honest. Sorry.

I am a playful little kitten, and quite frankly, the idea of a one-night stand with a stranger is appealing, but only theoretically.

However, as a real-life thing, it is not such a good idea for three main reasons:

• First, guys who want to sleep with me on the first date do not really care that much about me or my feelings. (I also suspect that, even though it is a double-standard, agreeing to sex on a first date might stamp me as “easy” and I’d lose respectability.)
• Second, guys who are focused on getting sex as soon as possible are generally pretty poor lovers, for the exact reason implied by their actions. 😉 To spell it out, they are focused on themselves, they are focused on their goals and not the process, and there is very little of the beautiful sexual dance that takes place between real lovers.
• Third, guys who will jump into bed with me right away are likely serial one-night stand-ers, and dangerous from an STD perspective, and quite possibly from a physical harm perspective too. OK, maybe that should have been #1. After all, the first two are between me and my own morality and feelings, and can be erased by a selective memory. This one is an objective reality, and can be forever.

Like most things, finding the right sexual situation takes patience and effort from both sides. I’m worth it.