01
2012Miss and Match
I am still having trouble conceptualizing my feelings about gender in certain respects.
We are all, to some extent, a blend of the masculine and the feminine, and transfolk more emphatically so.
But I find certain manifestations of this hard to understand, even as I accept the person’s right to be the way they are.
I know I have mentioned this before but I think I have a bit of a better handle on it now: the way I perceive a photo of a man with a beard, wearing a dress. I am sorry, but I find it to be off-putting. This is just an honest reaction. Obviously his concept of what’s attractive and mine are quite different. Nothing wrong with that.
But, it sets me to wondering why I find his choices so unattractive…
I don’t have much to offer by way of response. But, I am pretty sure it has something to do with my feeling that a guy simply putting on a dress honors neither the female gender nor the male. He is purposely setting himself outside the gender norms that inform the existence of almost everyone else, and it is to be expected that such a move will lead to strong opinions one way or the other.
In some sense it is similar to being a tgirl – pushing the concept of gender beyond where it has been. But, where all my efforts are concentrated on conforming to one of the two genders, his are focused on being different. And, he is pushing things further still by making his difference so obvious.
Shannon Townes
I agree…it sorta puts me off, too. Then again, that’s only because it is different from my goals and ideals….and maybe because I worry about the reflection on me????
Is this, really, any different than negative reactions we get from the world around us? Maybe this is just a learning experience for us to help us understand how others in society likely feel when they encounter us. They recognize a difference in us, and are put off by it. Can we ask them for understanding if we don’t offer that same understanding to the bearded man in a dress?
Just asking….
Claire
Yes, and no, I think. Whatever my internal struggles, I am trying to be a part of society’s social structure and am asking people just to accept me as one of them; the bearded CD is purposely putting himself outside that structure and asking to be noticed for doing so. Is he asking for acceptance or something else?
Also, we are a community, or perhaps communities of communities. His behavior absolutely reflects on us and really emboldens many people whose minds might otherwise be opening to us to stick to their notion that trans people are freaks. I figure I have little choice but to support his right and freedom to dress as he pleases, but I don’t have to like it.
Shannon Townes
Agreed. We are, after all, trying to fit in and not necessarily get noticed. He, obviously, wants the attention…and that attention absolutely makes it harder for the rest of us.
Leann
Janie,
Interesting question! If one’s reaction to a bearded man in a dress is one of being putoff (and mine is) then it should cause one to question our statements about it “just being about the clothes” and that “it isn’t fair that women can wear pants and men can’t wear skirts”. I think that I have somewhat come to grips with this. I have, for a while realized that it is more than just the clothes but this really puts me down the road that “women wear pants” isn’t a valid argument although it might still be a good place to start a discussion.
Thanks,
Leann
PS. What is your reaction to a bearded man in a kilt?
Leann
Janie,
Interesting question! If one’s reaction to a bearded man in a dress is one of being putoff (and mine is) then it should cause one to question our statements about it “just being about the clothes” and that “it isn’t fair that women can wear pants and men can’t wear skirts”. I think that I have somewhat come to grips with this. I have, for a while realized that it is more than just the clothes but this really puts me down the road that “women wear pants” isn’t a valid argument although it might still be a good place to start a discussion.
Thanks,
Leann
PS. What is your reaction to a bearded man in a kilt?
Claire
Leann, I suppose for some it is just about the clothes, but it has never been so for me. More likely, it is other people’s presumptions about tgirls that assume it is just about the clothes.
Furthermore, I know that there are more than a few CDs out there who are pretty sick and tired of women wearing pants and their crossdressing is, at least in part, a response to that in the sense of, “I’ll show ’em!”
In my view, there is a valid argument for equality of opportunity between the genders concerning clothing choices. In this sense, I have nothing against a bearded man in a kilt.
I have spoken in a previous post about other style trends that attempt to allow men to dress more like women. For the most part, I find them ugly-ugly, because they conflict with a man’s purpose and masculinity, and often just make these guys look like ugly, mannish women. The Scots, however, seem to have found a way to wear a skirt and look dashing and masculine, and there are other looks I would deem successful. But they are so uncommon.
Still, there is a line to be crossed, where a man is not dressing as a man with a more feminine slant, to something that is a mockery of gender and of tgirls. Crossing that line upsets me for the reasons stated in my post.
In any event, such fashion issues have little to do with those of us who want to be perceived as women. For us, it is not so much “women wear pants, so why can’t we, as men, wear skirts?” as much as “women wear pants and skirts, and I am a woman.” I am not interested in pushing the envelope for men’s fashion rights; indeed I don’t even want anyone to know my sex.
Leann
Janie,
I agree with you. My question was theoretical. I am past trying to use the “women wear pants. Why can’t I wear a skirt?” Nonetheless, our reactions to the man in a dress is still thought provoking and that is a good thing. We all still need to figure out what life is all about.
Leann
Claire
Can’t argue with that.
Ashley
What is jarring isn’t the man in a skirt or a dress, beard or no beard, is the halfway attempt at transformation to a woman. If a man wants to wear a dress or a skirt, more power to them. If a male wants to transform himself to a woman with makeup, clothes, speech, and body language that’s fine. Society can accept them as women. But the people who do a halfway job, or no real attempt at all, you end up with something that is unattractive and odd. It isn’t male and it isn’t female; so what is it?
Ashley
What is jarring isn’t the man in a skirt or a dress, beard or no beard, is the halfway attempt at transformation to a woman. If a man wants to wear a dress or a skirt, more power to them. If a male wants to transform himself to a woman with makeup, clothes, speech, and body language that’s fine. Society can accept them as women. But the people who do a halfway job, or no real attempt at all, you end up with something that is unattractive and odd. It isn’t male and it isn’t female; so what is it?