Jun
23
I always knew that I was happier as a woman, but I’m only just starting to realize why.
I played golf today with a couple of my old male friends. I shanked my share and hit some plain stupid shots, but y’know what? It didn’t affect my mood one iota. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s not exactly the way it was in my prior life. Today, all I cared about was being outside on a beautiful day playing a fun game with friends. And, I was happy.
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Jun
16
I am starting to question my grip on reality. Or, perhaps my friends’.
Last week I played golf for the first time openly as a woman. It was also the first one-on-one time I have had with this golf-buddy of mine since I told him I was trans. Of course, old habits die hard, especially when there is no occasion to practice new things, and he couldn’t help saying things like, “You’re up, big g–! Oops! Sorry!” He freely admitted that he still sees me as a guy, notwithstanding my adorable light-mauve golf dress and makeup. He’s known me as a guy for decades, and it is hard for him to see me any other way.
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01
Looking back on 2014 – not the best year, not the worst. I hope to do much better in 2015. It is high time I followed my heart and conquered my fears.
I am so happy for the friendships that I have made and hope to be a better friend to those I love. But, for now, all I can say is thanks for putting up with me, flaws and all.
Happy New Year!
Nov
22
Is this the reality of being trans? That normalcy is a slice of heaven?
I kinda know that already (see Just Living Life, posted only a few days ago), but I saw this graphic today on Facebook and my reaction really surprised me anyway.
Yeah, it’s cute humor, and yeah, there are those who focus on the gun thing and on feminist objections to the father’s protectiveness, but for me what really hit home – and it stopped me in my tracks – was the picture it created in my mind… of having a boyfriend who stood beside me, proud to be with me, and of having the passionate approval and protection of my parents – especially my dad.
Wow!
Funny how the idea of just being part of an almost cliched family experience can be so moving! I see a scene where I am loved and accepted (not just tolerated), protected, desired, wanted, embraced, and where I can have confidence that I belong – and it feels profound.
It seems like just getting back to zero is a major accomplishment for many trans people – and even those whose experiences have been quite positive.
But, I guess heaven is in the small things for everyone. As we strive for money and things and thrills, in a quiet moment it can hit us that genuine love of family and friends is heaven – is the only thing that really and truly matters.
Nov
17
In the past, I posted my thoughts on some complex transgender issues, but somehow rarely found time to post about just living life.
Not everything is drama, or even deep. In fact very little is.
We go about our days just living life and being who we are. Sounds boring – and that’s probably why I didn’t write about it before – but if one posts nothing but inner questioning and the like, people tend to get the impression that you are troubled. 😛
So, I’d like to provide a more realistic perspective of my life as a transwoman – largely free of
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Feb
07
Well, I must be the devil in disguise…
I recently attended a busy club night and was approached on the dancefloor by a confident young man. “My name is Adam,” says he. I leaned in and replied, “I’m Janie, and I am trans.” Poof!! I swear he evaporated into the crowd!
Am I really that bad? Are we all?
About a half-hour later, another guy was flirting with me and introduced himself. I introduced myself the same way as before.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“It means I’m a little different than most women.”
That staggered him. Reeling and shocked, he literally crossed himself, said a prayer and walked away!
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Jan
13
I just read an article cataloging several examples of how trans woman have been beaten to death for failure to disclose their status and how society has condoned or defended the perpetrators of these vicious acts. It has left me with feelings of sadness and outright disgust at the inner hatred that boils within so many people, including those in positions of authority who are supposed to protect the most vulnerable.
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Jan
08
I don’t think I ever imagined I would ask such a question, but life being what it is, not only is it a question that now makes sense to me, it is a fundamentally important one to me.
With all this talk about one’s gender not being defined by what’s between their legs, and that we ought to expand the acceptable roles for both genders, I think this question of what makes a person a man or a woman becomes quite a challenging one. There are plenty of ways we don’t, or ought not to, define gender. So then, how do we define gender?
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Dec
22
I hope everyone’s been safe and sane all year, and that the holiday season brings you joy and happiness – and lots of good prezzies.
Here’s hoping those who choose to focus their energies and careers on running other people’s lives renew (of find for the first time) their true devotion to public service and love of their fellow human beings.
There is no excuse in this day and age in societies whose minds have expanded to assimilate the concepts of the human genome, nanotechnology and such, that those same minds can be closed to the relatively simple concepts of the endless variety of the human experience and the ways embracing diversity enriches the human race.
More to the point, how can we not realize the obvious fact that compassion and love given freely return far greater rewards than bigotry and hate.
Dec
21
Xpressions is a group hereabouts that runs monthly casual, come-as-you-are pub nights, occasional organized restaurant dinners and an annual Christmas Gala Weekend.
I came to know about Xpressions very early in my female existence, and their pub night seemed a most welcoming venue to make one of my very first outings to. And I have to say that I learned a lot about myself and the road I was starting on from them. And, for that I am truly thankful.
I have returned once in a while to maintain my connection to the group, but I never got really super-involved with them.
Truth be told, once I passed a certain level of comfort with being a woman, it seemed to me that the issues that I wanted to talk about and think about were not the same as those that were being bandied about at their meetings. Also, the group seemed to be a bit older and more conservative than I am.
This year, Xpressions invited me to be their photographer for their Christmas Gala party. That was a bit of luck for me, because from my vantage point as a detached observer (yet welcome guest), I came to realize the richness of the community they have built.
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