Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
Read More»
Jan
14
The last time I spoke about gender identity, I spoke about applying the concept of a yaoi character to my own life, of perhaps being an extremely feminine male. It may seem very similar to what’s going on now, but there are important differences that make it both appealing and challenging.
In my mind, the whole concept can be described succinctly and bluntly as essentially Janie without the claim of womanhood and without the second identity (or gender identity). And, quite possibly without the heels and skirts.
Read More»
Jan
09
Yaoi, to my understanding, are cartoons involving love between young men possessed of a large dose of feminine beauty. I have been wondering lately whether such a concept has any application to me. (I realize that I have briefly explored this concept of gender before, but I think I am a bit more open to the idea than I was then.)
Thinking about the gender spectrum, what if I, or rather my gender mix, took a step back from being female, tiptoed across that spectrum just past the tipping point back to the male side? My hair is already a profound statement that I have moved along the spectrum towards femininity from my old masculine self; I could push it further by wearing a bit of makeup, or jewelry, or piercing my ears.
Read More»
Jan
05
The original post started as follows: “So, I’ve been told that to describe a trans person as “being born in the wrong body” is simplistic and offensive.”
When I originally happened upon this online discussion, I didn’t think it would amount to anything other than some very sensitive people having their say.
The first few responses were predictable: y’know, stuff like “everyone has their own point of view…,” “ask the offended person for their personal reason…,” blah, blah, blah…
So, I dutifully responded: “It may be simplistic, but simple ways of describing things are usually very effective. Offensive? – well some people get offended by anything. If I had to guess, I would say that if you do the math, telling someone they have a man’s body makes them a man, so someone who feels themself a woman could be put off. Perhaps they would prefer “a woman who is uncomfortable with the incompatible sexual characteristics of her body.”
A Female’s Body is a Female Body
The next responder put it much better and more succinctly:
“Because the person is a woman, thus, it is a woman’s body. That it does not conform to society’s preconceptions of “female” is irrelevant.”
…and we were on our way…
Read More»
Dec
17
Aside from the practical and emotional and time-management problems (which I alluded to last time) of leading this double life, of two separate lives under one brain and body, there are self-image issues.
Talking to Myself
I’d look at myself in the mirror and worry that maybe I wasn’t feminine enough – inside and out – to consider myself a woman. This is not simply an appearance thing – or even mannerism thing. Often, looking at my reflection morphed into a conversation with myself, a reflection of a deeper sort.
Sometimes, I asked myself if maybe I was fooling myself; maybe I was faking it. Was I pretending to be female, or was I really partly female? I consoled myself with the notion that awkwardness was to be expected in behaving in a way that was unlike the way I had been used to for decades.
But, the question never completely went away, even as things became more natural for me. One of the main reasons I allowed that doubt to gnaw away at me was that I don’t think I ever really accepted what I had appropriated – that I could be two separate people.
Read More»
Dec
15
In the course of contemplating – ad infinitum, I might add – the authenticity of my femininity and my life as Janie, it finally occurred to me that I am actually quite unsettled by the idea of being two people – of leading a double life.
Personal reflection is a strange process by which you think about the same things over and over, until you think that maybe all that thought is just procrastinating away the actual real life you are supposed to be leading. But then, you consider something with ever-so-slightly different words, and suddenly, a door opens.
Read More»
Dec
08
The holiday season is upon us, boys and girls and everyone in between.
I made myself a drink and sat down to write you a little post, rocking to Elvis Presley’s “Merry Christmas, Baby” in my drinking hat, which I once named (after a few drinks, no doubt) Fimon Fez.
Read More»
Dec
03
Today, I bring you a brand new photo, fresh off the presses. (Or is that, “Hot off the griddle?” … Would you believe, “Right out of the darkroom?”)
Perhaps I shouldn’t comment on my own work, but if I didn’t say stuff, you wouldn’t have a reason to visit, right? So, what the heck…
I really like this shot because it seems there is more to it than simply, “Look at the pretty girl.”
Read More»
Nov
20
Gender is the simplest thing in the world – until you (or others in your life) start questioning it. Then, there is no end of questioning, no end of wondering, of guilt, of fear, of discrimination.
Sometimes, we make the simple complicated. And sometimes, someone can find the words to cut through all the garbage and make what seems so very complicated quite simple. It all looks effortless, but we know better 😉
I commend you to this video. Watch it and share it. Simple wisdom is such a rare thing.
Nov
17
The grass may seem always to be greener on the other side, but take it from someone who’s walked a mile on both sides, it isn’t worth the gender envy.
Gender Envy by Men
Guys may think that women have it all.
After all, men are beguiled by women’s charms and desirability. And, men are driven to desire sex, while women seem to be able to have as much as they please and yet often decline to partake.
On the dating scene, men must put their egos on the line in pursuit of women, making the first move, risking rejection – and it may often seem that women have no shortage of options at their feet.
Read More»
Recent Comments