comforting
Sep

04

Who’s in Charge? – The Real Janie Needs Comforting Too

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 1 comments

As I have said previously, just being Janie is not enough. A person has to do something, be something.

Since I wrote that post, I have been busy working on creating my new site, and on opening up the possibilities of doing both modeling and photography. Other stuff is in the works.

It is not as if I had a lot of time on my hands before, but now that my girl life is taking on some real challenges and consuming more of my time and my thoughts, I have started to feel something strange.

For the first time, I have actually sought out my male side as a respite from the pressure of my female life.

I think it is quite common for guys with a female side to seek to escape the responsibilities and difficulties in their lives by turning to her. Among the many motivations I have discussed for my becoming Janie, this one was present.

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one of my roles is a blogger
Sep

01

Authenticity

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 11 comments

Now that I have discussed Roles (and Multiple Roles) and Impressions – The Message of Our Presentation, it is time to go back to the questions I posed last week about being an imposter or intruder.

The other day, I found myself having to switch back and forth between my two selves.

I woke up and went to a neighborhood cafe to write my blog as Janie.

But, I knew that my lunch was going to be with family members who expected “him” and this was to be followed by a little road trip to meet some people in the evening: more Janie-business.

It is a bit of a trip switching back and forth. Here is a stream of consciousness about my day: I put on an androgynous t-shirt and light-colored feminine jeans that roll up to capris, showing off my new anklet; I went to the bathroom at the cafe in the morning an used the women’s room; while working, my hair was getting in my face, so I took out my hair clip and pinned my hair up; just before leaving for lunch, I rolled down my jeans to cover my legs, and went back to the bathroom – this time the men’s room; as I was leaving, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror which reminded my to take that hairclip out of my hair (sheesh!), at which time I decided that a manly pony-tail was more in order; I had my lunch date, and then transformed myself back to the way I looked in the morning for the drive…

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Aug

31

Multiple Roles

Politics and Opinion / Transgender Life  Posted by / 10 comments

One of the things I kinda glossed over last time (Impressions – The Message of Our Presentation) were the different roles each of us plays.

A woman may be an executive during the day and a casual jeans and T (shirt) girl in the evening, or even a sexy model on weekends.

Someone meeting her in any one of her roles may not imagine the other roles she plays, and may be turned off or taken aback by some of the possibilities…

…of course, not likely to the extent they might be should they run across the woman they met with yesterday walking down the street today as a man.

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impressions
Aug

29

Impressions – The Message of Our Presentation

Health and Beauty / Transgender Life  Posted by / 1 comments

(… continued from Roles)

It occurs to me that people generally put no small amount of effort into presenting an image of themselves to the world through the way they dress about who they are and how they want to be seen and treated.

Whether it is the youngster in a t-shirt and ball-cap with his pants hanging well below his underwear or the businessman with a $2,000 suit and professionally selected shirt and tie to complement the look, each has taken a great deal of trouble to send a message about their self-image.

We all know what is likely to be the result of our presentation choices based on our understanding of social norms in society today.

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Aug

27

Roles

Politics and Opinion / Transgender Life  Posted by / 4 comments

The other day, I wrote about feeling like an imposter… which begs the question, “What exactly is the pretence?”

Stated differently, “What is it about being a woman that I am doing that is not authentic?”

Of course, these questions lead into consideration of what being a woman is all about… a bit of a tough question.

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imposter
Aug

25

Imposter

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 7 comments

There I was in a neighborhood cafe waiting in line to order, when my mind turned to the two women standing and talking at the other end of the counter, waiting for their orders to be filled.

I was dressed much the same way they were – short jean shorts, a feminine T and flip-flops. But, I had this overwhelming feeling of, well… being an imposter!

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Aug

20

Cozy Feeling

Food and Drink / Out in the World / Transgender Life  Posted by / 1 comments

I have a lot to think about today, so I had an idea that I would decamp to a cafe for a change of venue to help in the thought process.

Little did I expect the weather to come right out of central casting.

It is a comfortably warm day, but rainy and grey.

As chance would have it, I got a seat at the communal table right by the totally open front wall of the cafe, and my cappuccino arrived just as I sat down.

I take a deep breath and inhale it all…

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Aug

15

What Am I?

Health and Beauty / Transgender Life  Posted by / 3 comments

Today is one of those funny days when I don’t really know what I am.

I got up this morning knowing that I can be as I wish, then got dressed in a white pair of pants that are technically male clothes, but not categorically so.

I thought about what to put on top for a minute, then settled on my favorite green top with white stripes – a nice complement to the pants, and as feminine a top as the pants were masculine – in other words, debatably so.

Androgynous running shoes completed the androgynous outfit.

I hung around the house for a while, eating breakfast and answering emails and such, then had to go out.

I decided to accessorize my look with a necklace and two rings, and in a last minute decision, put on a touch of mascara and subtle lipstick.

The clothes are, as I have said umpteen times before, merely a reflection of my mood, not the other way around.

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boy in a dress
Aug

13

What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?

Politics and Opinion / Transgender Life  Posted by / 2 comments

This weekend’s New York Times Magazine cover story had the same name as this post. I recommend it to you. Click here for the article. (their photo too.)

When you read it, note the hundreds and hundreds of comments it generated in its first days. That should give you an idea of how sensitive this issue is.

It is astounding to see how the world has changed, and also to see a pattern of commentary that shows some folks stuck in the past and others racing ahead of where we are.

Any sea change in social structure tends to follow the same course. Think of the resistance to women wearing pants, or becoming capable leaders, or showing their elbows in public, or getting the vote.

The most amusing thing about all this is that people look at what their life was like, what their parents did, and perhaps what their grandparents did and think they know all of history – enough for sure to judge what’s normal and socially acceptable.

The truth is that boys wore frilly tops and skirts, the same as girls, for many years and in many cultures in previous centuries.

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Aug

11

Girl Power

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 11 comments

Last night, I went out to a club and had a great time.

It was nice to be out, meeting new people, flirting, laughing, dancing…

Coming as it did on the (high) heels of having spent the better part of the day out and about, it seems to have obliterated all the angst of feeling my feminine self being put upon by the practicalities of everyday life.

It’s like, “Oh, yeah! So that’s what I love about my life as Janie!”

It is a bit surprising that on some level, I can actually forget. I feel like I am missing something (see Backsliding), but that’s mixed with a bit of a search for what exactly that something is, and then an “Is it all worth it?”

I have to remind myself that my experiences as a woman have had a surreptitiously profound effect on my spirit – something I discovered a while back but seem sometimes to put out of mind.

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