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2012Just Being Janie for fun is NOT Enough
For a long time, just being the woman that I am was something, was enough.
I did everything that needed to be done as a man, and when it was time for fun, there was Janie, the party girl.
But, now I am realizing that Janie has to pull her own weight or risk becoming a fantasy, a pretense.
I cringe a little as I say this, but I need to undertake work, drudgery and conflict, commitment and responsibility, problems and challenges, routine and expectation – all as a woman if Janie is going to continue to feel real to me.
Funny, though, because part of the inner appeal of my femininity has been how light and wondrous it has felt. And, now I seem intent on weighing it down with reality.
Truth be told, though, I am sure that I will deal with the difficulties with a totally different perspective than my male one.
The work I choose will be different. (Working part-time as male in one job and part-time as female in another is really going to be a challenge, that’s for sure – anywhere I can sign up for 48-hour days? – but, I have a plan… really I do.) The friends I make will also be new. And, certainly, I will have to develop my feminine coping mechanisms.
I accept that men tend to do some things more effectively than women do (of course, the reverse is also true) and so I will have no qualms about seeking male help to deal with certain situations; it just so happens that for now the most reliable and available guy shares the same body with me, but I sure hope to find other good guys on whom I can depend.
Every step of the way thus far, the more reality I have introduced into my life as Janie, the more real and the more wonderful it has felt.
I don’t suspect this will be any different.
Ashley
Sounds like a Real Life Experience. Are you sure you’re not transitioning?
cdjanie
Ashley, I have been living my everyday life as Janie for a couple of years now – though not every day or all day on any given day. There are times when I must be a man, and others when I prefer it, and still others when it is just easier or more appropriate. But, I shop, meet people, go out, do work, work out, travel etc. as Janie and have done so for a while. I don’t really see adding some responsibility to my female side as that big a step, but yes, it is another step.
Ashley
Before you take too many steps, get some counseling so you’re sure, and I mean SURE that it’s the right thing for you to do. Only you can make the decision, but just make sure that you’re not in a “pink fog” that will cause you to make the wrong choices. This is serious stuff! I’ve supspected for some time that you’re more T than perhaps you’d like to admit, but you need to have a professional therapist help you find your correct path. I don’t really know you except through this gizmo, but from what I see, you’re a fine person and you deserve the life that’s right for you.
mizknowitall
Reality will be nothing like your times “en femm” and you should think long and hard about what you are doing! Transition and SRS is a cure for an issue which cannot be dealt with in any other way! It is not a way for you to up the volume on the being girl pleasure meter! For your own sake, PLEASE! amp it back before you get into something for which you are totally unprepared and which will in the end lead you to a miserable and lonely life!
Have fun! Enjoy your feminine side! Use “her” to express that part of you and do it with joy, but do not mistake that for you being transsexual!
Jennifer Long
So your boy side does all the hard stuff and Janie has all the fun. Hmmm… Jennifer gets a free ride most of the time too (although she’s pulled her weight before). Thanks, your journal is prompting me to think more deeply about my journey (ack.. thought I had this all figured out).
One interpretation of what you’re saying is that you’re moving from ‘doing Janie’ to ‘being Janie’. That is, Janie is going to become less of an activity you do and more of an integrated part of your identity – with full fledged adult accountability – vs. a mode of being whose focus is ‘fun’. (If that’s true, a better title to this might be “doing Janie is not enough” but… dirty minds like mine being what they are….maybe not so good an idea)
Making her ‘pull her weight’ is one way to achieve that. Certainly there’s other things too you could do. Dunno.. I haven’t thought much about it. It does sound a little like RLT.
One lesson life has taught me though is that when you take something you love to do and make it a source of income, it diminishes the joy… sometimes a little. Sometimes completely. It becomes mundane vs. something special.
You’ve given me something to think about.
Thanks Janie,
Jen
cdjanie
Jen,
This thought process is still not fully-hatched. There are too many unanswered issues for me to feel comfortable with my assessment thus far, but the process continues. I must tell you that having input from your beautiful mind would help immensely…
While I understand your point about making something you love into a source of income – like turning a love of cooking into a career as a chef or restaurateur – this is different, and for specifically the point you mentioned: Janie is (becoming) something I am rather than something I do. The source of income would come from something I do as Janie, but not from being Janie. Still, food for thought.
Finally, I am a bit disppointed in myself for not using your suggested and suggestive title. I like those and count on dirty minds like yours being piqued by such things. 🙂
Stephanie Flettshock
Yep, that’s transitioning!
Klyde
Wow that’s… This sounds like a huge step. Toward what I wonder?
cdjanie
Klyde, I don’t really see it as a huge step at all, though clearly many readers do see it that way. To me, this is but another little step along a path I have slowly walked for the past few years.
cyrsti
At the least Janie, something deep inside is telling you to undertake this step.
The “transistion” word is pure sematics.
Simply, your inner girl wants to get out and live. Sure it won’t be all fun and games…nothing ever is BUT
I don’t know how anyone can tag this with “miserable and lonely” unless they made it that way.
The way I see it is you are “hedging” your bets. If you are capable of doing it…why not?
The naysayers are just jealous!
cdjanie
Cyrsti, I am doing what I think will make me happy. I don’t know whether I am right or not. Non-adversarial input from well-meaning readers with contrary opinions is happily received. That said, I appreciate your support and love. 🙂
shantown
Wow! Looks like I came back to the fold just in time for a biggie here. You’ve sure stirred up some passions, and opinions, with this one. Sure, it does sound like transitioning…your own “unofficial” RLT. Personally, I’m cool with that, and since I’m not a therapist, don’t feel qualified to offer an opinion. To me, only you know what’s best for you.
You said “another little step along the path”. Do you have plans, goals, desires, or intent on where that path
is heading? Where you want it to go? I’ve long felt that you ARE Janie, deep inside. I don’t think that Janie is something you do, something you put on and take off.
Oops! I just gave an opinion and I said I wouldn’t. Yikes! Anyway, I’m with ya, behind ya, beside ya..whatever. Paths are easier walked with a friend.
cdjanie
Nice to know I have a friend to walk with, Shan. I am Janie and Janie is me (it is no costume or pretense) – agreed – but the way I express her and the role she plays in my life is certainly open to question. Most men seem to be able to express their feminine side within their lives, somehow; I cannot. Is the solution a separate or different life, or is it to convince me to allow my two “genders” to mix?
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