I have spoken in the past about the feelings of discord that come from seeing my masculinity contaminate the feminine image I seek to project.
I have offered thoughts on the concept of shame and implied gender chauvinism (as in, “Why would you do that to a perfectly good guy?”).
But, I am coming to a different realization these days…
I don’t think it has anything to do with demeaning the male inside me, delusion or questions about the validity of my femininity.
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At least in terms of my physical sex, I know I am not female. No one has to tell me that. I am clearly – and will forever be – male. (There are those who will argue that no matter the hormones or surgery, a person cannot change their sex – but that is a discussion for another day, and an issue of concern more for transsexuals than people like me.)
Gender is different than sex. Sex refers to biological differences. i.e., chromosomes, hormonal profiles, internal and external sex organs. Gender describes the characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine. (This description comes from Monash University in Australia, but the concept is the same on a hundred other sites.)
My gender is often feminine. I am happy to be treated as a woman, and behave in line with society’s expectations on women, and I am a person fortunate enough to have the natural gifts to enable me to do so.
Is my spirit female? I don’t know. Is there even such a thing? Ditto.
Am I pretending or acting? Not really – I mean to the extent I am not used to being feminine and during the time it takes me to learn, some things are put on. But what is not put on or fake are my feelings and the desire to be feminine and to be treated as female.
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An Oklahoma judge has twice now refused to grant a name change to a transsexual on the basis that it would be assisting “that which is fraudulent.”
In his esteemed opinion, SRS doesn’t change DNA and therefore attempting to appear as a woman while still a man is fraudulent.
In case that doesn’t convince you, he quoted the bible for the authority that God intended men to stay men and women to stay women.
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I never cease to wonder why people care what’s in your pants…
I mean, if I am out there as a woman, why would anyone make an issue out of my physical gender?
I think there is a basic shift that takes place for many people depending on whether they are dealing with a man or a woman.
There are expectations and prejudgments that go along with each, just as there are with older or younger, well-groomed or sloppy and so on.
But none is so basic as gender.
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I recently asked what purpose is served by splitting everyone up along gender lines. Today, I will offer a different perspective.
In my own personal experience, the reason I conceive of myself as either male or female, depending on which I am at the time, is because that is the way I understand other people.
Despite my particular situation, being a creature that can live on either side of the gender line, even I still understand humanity in male/female terms. Whatever gender variations are out there, I see them measured on the man-woman spectrum.
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Yeah, I’m a guy. And a gal. Why can’t I be both at once?
I have tried for quite some time now to try to conceptualize my gender identity. I have rejected many paradigms, but have yet to settle on one that feels right.
In some sense, I am both male and female. But, that makes me two people, and I’m not really, am I?
Read More»I think there is an implied conceit among many men that they are the drivers of what matters and that females are mere adornments. I believe that my post about chauvinism in that old tv series Banacek shows the kind of thinking I am talking about.
Oh sure, men are evolving, and women too. But, I think that buried deep in the psyche of both sexes, this attitude still lurks.
One manifestation of that is the feeling that some tgirls get that somehow becoming female is a step down, or a disrespecting of their masculinity. Some actually enjoy “demeaning themselves” in this way, finding a need to punish or humiliate themselves for some reason.
Reinforcing this sense of the inferiority of the feminine gender, some women will ask why a man would ever want to become female, as if being male is easier, better, more privileged. Of course, it is understood why women want to become more like men…
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One of the major differences between men and women is the time we spend on ourselves.
There is an incredible amount of work that goes into properly grooming oneself as a woman.
There is constant attention to detail, like carefully washing one’s face every day, exfoliating, then moisturizing the face and eyes separately. There is a regimen for the evening and another in the morning.
There is nail care, and hair care, and body hair removal by waxing or shaving or whatever. There is scraping off dead skin on hands and feet or wherever it appears.
A girl has to moisturize her whole body, get occasional facials, do masks and peels and so on.
Her hair has to be styled often, and there are myriad of products to be applied at different times for differing purposes. Frequent visits to the salon are advisable.
Then, the clothes, and the shoes…
Even going to bed, a girl has to look her best, so there’s lingerie and bathrobes and slippers…
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Y’know, I asked the question a few posts back on the essence of womanhood, or what it means to be a woman, but then I barely touched on the answer.
There are those who focus on body parts. Others insist that it is chromosomes that matter.
I think that on a practical basis, both miss the point.
The way I see it, a person who goes out in the world as a woman, behaves as women are known to behave, accepts the privileges and restrictions that pertain to women… that person is, for all practical purposes, a woman.
Of course, male-bodied individuals who wish to assume this role cannot conceive children, but many women-born-women cannot either.
Is there a good reason to restrict our conception of women to those with the right body parts or chromosomes? I don’t really see it.
Read More»I just love this video!
I think it’s a rotten ad for whatever they are trying to sell, but as a depiction of someone who can be either gender at the flip of a switch, it totally rocks my world!
You can see how the slightest change in posture and attitude of this transgender model turns what is obviously a beautiful woman into what is equally clearly a handsome man.
That’s the way I see it anyway. I’m sure others will say this model is either androgynous or both genders at once.
I disagree. But regardless of the paradigm, it looks to me to be a very positive depiction of the blurring line between the genders. It has to make some people sit up and take notice, perhaps open some minds as to what people can be like and how attractive it can be.
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