31
2012Multiple Roles
One of the things I kinda glossed over last time (Impressions – The Message of Our Presentation) were the different roles each of us plays.
A woman may be an executive during the day and a casual jeans and T (shirt) girl in the evening, or even a sexy model on weekends.
Someone meeting her in any one of her roles may not imagine the other roles she plays, and may be turned off or taken aback by some of the possibilities…
…of course, not likely to the extent they might be should they run across the woman they met with yesterday walking down the street today as a man.
I know… it shouldn’t be a big deal, but to the vast majority of people out there, it is. (As I said last time, the more it happens, the less likely it will be that it comes as something so hard to comprehend, but we’re certainly not there yet.)
I tend to try to adhere to one or the other of the gender binary roles because both my sensibilities and those of most folks out there understand people along those lines. However, this approach is likely to backfire when one is observed in one role and then the other.
In some sense, this argues in favor of adopting one gender role and sticking with it, or presenting oneself as obviously sitting on the fence.
Or, if you want to have multiple roles in the gender realm, you have to be prepared to accept the flak that comes when people quite expectedly have a hard time getting their minds around your dual-gendered existence.
Ashley
Dual genders today IS possible. Difficult but possible. It is more difficult in certain professions less so in a very few. In most of our daily lives, people run in some relatively small circles maybe a dozen friends and twice that in aquaintances. Few of those understand the need or desire to live a dual gendered life. Most understand a person’s need to switch genders and the majority will be accepting. But most want you to choose one or the other because they relate to the different genders slightly differently.
shantown
I think many reject or otherwise react negatively because of their own insecurities….and ego. It’s a selfish concern on their part…”what does it say about me…what will OTHERS say about me”. Their rejection of a “gender issue” is simply a defense mechanism, protecting themselves. Those that are accepting are more compassionate toward others, showing a care and concern for them.
cdjanie
I agree that people relate to the different genders differently. Interesting though, don’t you think… and I wonder why someone would be uncomfortable, say, treating someone like a woman knowing there’s a guy inside; is there something sexual going on in a non-sexual encounter? Is there something disrespectful going on that wouldn’t fly with “him”? Is the person telling the wrong “inside” jokes? Or s it just that it might feel funny trying to charm someone whose male side will remember? Interesting questions, no?
Ashley
It isn’t really sexual. It is beause that is the way we were taught when young. Females are treated with different manners than males. You’re more respectful, say please, smile, and speak with a softer voice and different words are used. Males get a slap on the back instead of a hug, they get a “Hey buddy” instead of a “hello”. It comes off as being a bit more confrontational than how females are treated. When you’re presenting as dual genders, your friends don’t know what to do when they interact with you.
cdjanie
Smart. And, well said. Thanks.
Petra Be
I truly have spent too long away from your relentless pursuit of your whole self Janie. Thanks for sharing so much and shining all the light you do.
Your response to Ashley and the questions you pose are more than interesting in my view. When presenting female and being accepted as female, the reality that there is a guy within does seem to keep a veil between me and the rest of the world. Perhaps for you too.
I get close, very close to open and honest and unconcerned-with- gender moments, but we are very much drawn to the binaries. Honestly, you thread the needle and push the margins so very well.
Lovely to come back, catch up and take hope.
Cheers m’dear
cdjanie
Lovely to have you back. To me, the question that follows from your comments is whether the guy inside is putting the veil over your(/my) eyes or the other person’s.
shantown
I think maybe people have trouble seeing the HONESTY in a dual-gendered, or “transgendered” presentation. Instead of seeing that someone is trying to be honest, with themselves and the world, about who they really are inside, they see a deception to some degree. Based on that premise, they surely must wonder what other deceptions there could be. So basically they make a quick value judgment of the whole person based on one erroneous perception.
Will the world ever get that the transgendered presentation is not an attempt to fool the world, but an attempt to be REAL and TRUE to one’s self.
Petra Bellejambes
Oooo, all of this is getting soooo close. Shantown my dear, you really have helped crystallize something here.
So, Janie – to your question, I think the veil has many properties. We (you and I and other happy Gendernauts) can permeate it, fly through it like atoms. At least for moments at a time.
The veil reveals much to women and men on the other side, but they tend to bounce off it. It is a impermeable surface.
In practical, non metaphorical terms, no matter how well, how sincerely, how earnestly we express and present our feminine selves to the world, the primary sexual characteristics or legacy gender identity cannot help but influence how others engage with us.
I may have to borrow this theme for a blog post of my own Janie. If I do, I promise to bring it back undamaged with a few bucks of gas in the tank 🙂
Happy Labour Day.
cdjanie
Shannon, your comments about honesty and deceit really are an epiphany! Hiding in plain sight, but I for one couldn’t see it. I have talked around and around it, but you went straight to the point. This should clarify much.
Petra, feel free to drive it hard and even put a few dents in it. If you leave it smouldering by the side of the road, that’s good too. 😉
Have a great long weekend.