Nov
17
In the past, I posted my thoughts on some complex transgender issues, but somehow rarely found time to post about just living life.
Not everything is drama, or even deep. In fact very little is.
We go about our days just living life and being who we are. Sounds boring – and that’s probably why I didn’t write about it before – but if one posts nothing but inner questioning and the like, people tend to get the impression that you are troubled. 😛
So, I’d like to provide a more realistic perspective of my life as a transwoman – largely free of
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Dec
22
I hope everyone’s been safe and sane all year, and that the holiday season brings you joy and happiness – and lots of good prezzies.
Here’s hoping those who choose to focus their energies and careers on running other people’s lives renew (of find for the first time) their true devotion to public service and love of their fellow human beings.
There is no excuse in this day and age in societies whose minds have expanded to assimilate the concepts of the human genome, nanotechnology and such, that those same minds can be closed to the relatively simple concepts of the endless variety of the human experience and the ways embracing diversity enriches the human race.
More to the point, how can we not realize the obvious fact that compassion and love given freely return far greater rewards than bigotry and hate.
Mar
04
The fluid nature of gender roles over time provides more proof that what it means to be a man changes depending on the era and the culture and probably the circumstances. It is common to cling to current sensibilities as if they were pronounced from on high, but recall that the Roman soldiers wore skirts into battle and the males in French aristocracy in the middle of the last millennium wore long hair, wigs, heels, etc.
Mind you, I am not sure the role differences changed as much as the expectations for clothes and appearance.
I respect everyone’s right to choose their gender role, but for myself, I confess to liking the idea of men and women who are distinctly different.
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Feb
18
(continued from Beyond Gender)
What we are talking about is the post-gender concept, the “Pejic Ideal,” so to speak: the relatively rare male that can, without body modification or assumption of womanhood, carry off a completely feminine look.
The guy who basically says, “I like feminine things, and if you mistake me for a woman, that’s on you not me.”
The guy who says, “I happen to enjoy the trappings of both genders and I dress in things I like and behave the way I feel. I don’t feel the need to be male or female in order to understand myself. I am just me. I realize that most others will need to put me in one box or the other, but if they do, they will find out things about me that just don’t fit their model. I can play along with people’s need to be able to understand me, but only now and then.”
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Feb
12
The recent implosion of my yaoi gender identity project (as described here) deserves just a little more attention.
My attempt at an androgynous presentation was shot down in no uncertain terms by a family member – which was somewhat shocking considering the contrast to the reactions, or rather lack of reaction, from close friends.
But there was an important distinction.
The family member in question KNOWS about Janie. And my androgynous appearance was in circumstances where we had agreed Janie would not appear.
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Feb
09
As much as theoretically I saw a helpful gender identity distinction at the boundary-line between male and female, I have found the distinction difficult to sustain on the ground.
For me to behave in a feminine manner, I have to channel a distinctly female energy within myself. I am not able to become a feminine man other than by seeing the world from as female a perspective as I can muster, and then stepping back over the line by filtering out certain clothes.
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Feb
06
It seemed to me an awfully big deal to finally see the possibility of expressing my feminine gender identity as a man rather than as a woman. (See Trying on the Yaoi Gender Mix for Size and A New Take on My Male Gender Identity for more.)
I have expressed concerns about the latter, feeling to some degree, inauthentic, or put on. And, I have expressed the opinion that as long as I stay on the male side of the coin, the degree of my femininity is merely a question of fashion and therefore not subject to the same kinds of reactions and objections as gender questions might be.
Well, I didn’t get very far along this yaoi road before reality – at least my reality – stepped squarely in my path.
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Feb
04
I followed up my performance at that last party by wearing the same teal green booties with white pants and a women’s casual top (and even a bit of mascara) to a dinner party with some of the same friends.
Again nothing.
At one point in the evening, we were discussing some celebrities, and one of the women mentioned that she didn’t like the way Brad Pitt looked with long hair. Too greasy, too droopy, no body – just didn’t look right.
“Maybe they thought that if they gave his hair more body, he’d look too feminine,” I piped in helpfully.
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Jan
24
I obviously recognize that whatever I have done or wanted to do as a woman – or, on the other hand, as a man, “I” (as in the whole of me) did or wanted to do. And, despite genuinely feeling that these were two distinct and separate parts of me, I always felt just a little fraudulent implying with my separate personas that I was somehow two separate people. I was not and am not suffering from multiple personality disorder, I have always been fully aware of both sides of myself, I knew I had but one body, one brain, one heart.
In short, regardless of how it’s framed, whether a feminine male or two personas, I must “own” all of it.
My increasing realization that Janie is me and I am Janie, and that I was never comfortable with the logical flaw in seeing myself as two people has led me to try to find a way to make it all one.
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Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
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