Dec
27
(…continued from Missed It By That Much)
I ran into the wife of a friend of mine, in a place where and at a time when I often would go as Janie; fortunately I was in guy mode. She happened to mention that she frequents a nearby cafe for lunch that I have often gone to as Janie (though never at lunchtime).
So, I missed being discovered by the skin of my teeth, now what?
Nobody said life as Janie would be dull, right? (…kinda the point… though I can do without this particular kind of excitement.)
Clearly, if she had “caught” me, all my friends would have known in fairly short order. Once a wildfire starts spreading, it is difficult to contain, so it is impossible to know how far the flames would have spread.
By the 6 degrees of separation theory, it is more than a little possible that the news would reach the ears of people I absolutely do not want knowing.
Dealing with my friends would not be optimal, but I would cope. There would be changes, to be sure, but who knows how things come out the other end? People often surprise you.
But certain people don’t – and those are my bigger worry. Again, I’d survive, but I’d much rather not have to go through that.
So, is it worth the chance I am taking to be able to freely walk the streets?
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Dec
21
Wow.
I am obviously out-to-lunch on what issues will resonate with you all out there.
I was sure that relaying that episode about coming within an inch of being discovered would bring out all sorts of comments about similar experiences, counsel on wise behavior, discussion of risk and need and so on.
But, I got nothing. Just a big, flat thud. A lead balloon.
Go figure.
Read More»Nov
23
Picked up a morning coffee at Stumptown Roasters (yet another terrific NYC cafe!) before heading to Penn Station to catch a train to Philadelphia cheesesteaks!
Oh, yes. I do follow my stomach (unless there are more tantalizing temptations to distract me. 😉 )
So, there we are, having boarded the train with our two large valises, when GF gives me “the look.” Yes, dear, I know…
Suddenly, it is this girl’s duty to heave those suitcases onto the overhead rack – and from the stares that came my way, I was either being perceived as an incredibly able-bodied woman or, well, you know…
Nov
05
Ok, maybe a bit melodramatic… maybe saved my feet is more like it.
But, I have never had a love-type relationship with flats. I think that women – and especially tgirls – look much better in heels.
The tgirl as
pect is important. Men tend to have larger feet and proportionately shorter legs than women, and heels address both concerns. A bent foot is a smaller foot, and obviously a heel extends the length of the leg.
But, (I can’t believe I am saying this!!) there is a practical aspect to life as a woman. GF will be relentless after hearing me say such a thing, but alas, it is true.
Until now, I have adopted the approach of taking along a pair of running shoes and wearing them on the treks from place to place, then changing into heels where people might see me.
But, aside from being inconvenient and forcing me to have a larger purse at certain times when when I might much prefer having that really cute small one, stuff happens while you’re on the way from A to B.
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Nov
03
Coming across as a woman involves communicating as one – and that’s a much broader concept than one’s actual voice.
Far from the direct and monotone, goal-oriented communication that men use, female speech is differently motivated and but one part of a much more complex form of communication.
To effect a feminine voice, you want to have an acceptable pitch – which is what most of us focus upon. But, there are plenty of women with low voices who are never mistaken for men. So dwell on that for a moment.
Read More»Nov
01
I gave the issues I last wrote about some more thought, and have a few ideas to share.
For me, being female is a joyous and intense state. I am sociable, flirty and “on.” Being a guy is more of a contented and relaxed, comfortable thing. Appropriate adjectives include strong, aware, capable.
Being Janie is still quite stressful for me – not so much about being discovered, or worrying about danger any more, but more about doing things that are outside my comfort zone.
I still have so much to remember to do (and not do) when being a woman, from voice to manner to posture – things that are not yet completely innate to me.
And then, socializing is not something that comes easily to me. Though I have revelled in the friendships and interactions that I have achieved as Janie, meeting people has never been without stress for me.
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Oct
30
I hate to rain on the parade of the “I told you so”’s out there, but my wonder and joy at feeling so feminine while spending a solid week living as a woman has given way to an equal and opposite masculine feeling.
Since I have been back, I have had to be in a male mindset non-stop for almost a week, managing construction and landscaping issues and other business matters. (Don’t ask!)
After all that solid guy time, my intention to switch to girly mode today for a Halloween Party tonight and tomorrow night has met with no small amount of internal resistance.
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Oct
29
During this week, I have made a point of concentrating on the way I speak. I mentioned last time that I took a voice lesson and attended seminars at Fantasia. But, what I want to talk about now is what I am learning from myself, having spent the week focusing on my speech.
This is the first time I have not let myself off the hook in terms of communicating as a woman. In public, in private, alone or on stage, talking to others or to myself (yes, I am nuts!), I insisted from myself that I speak as a woman.
I usually let my guard down when walking on the street or sitting at home talking about stuff with GF. Not this week. If I got upset, I’d often tend to fall back into guy voice to cope; not this week. In fact, any time I found myself faltering in any way, I’d excuse myself and go to the bathroom and regroup (something that became less necessary as the week wore on).
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Aug
09
Some of you may be wondering, as one reader asked me the other day, why “all this self-doubt has surfaced.”
First, I thank all of you for your concern and encouragement. But, don’t worry, I’m not despairing.
The truth is, I have kinda forced the issue…
I have been Janie for some time now, and for the most part, I have just let things unfold as nature would have them unfold, and took it as it came.
I have followed a well-worn path of first dressing alone at home, then, feeling the need to get out of the house, I started going to clubs and finding out-of-the-way shops and cafes. I started posting photos and thoughts on the internet, feeling that the vastness of the world-wide-web offered sufficient protection to my identity – that those I knew would be unlikely to run across my images – and that has held true, so far.
But, as Janie develops, I have found that it is never enough.
Read More»Aug
08
After more than two weeks of uninterrupted manhood (slightly impurified by the Janie duties to which am committed and to which I had to attend) I tentatively put my toe in the waters of femininity today.
I am just wearing short workout shorts and a cropped t-shirt and running shoes, but, for the first time in a while, I am allowing my feminine persona to emerge a little, just to feel what it is like. I am still not certain whether the experiment of being a guy is over, but I wanted to see the difference, if only for a day.
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