18
2013More on Living Without Gender
(continued from Beyond Gender)
What we are talking about is the post-gender concept, the “Pejic Ideal,” so to speak: the relatively rare male that can, without body modification or assumption of womanhood, carry off a completely feminine look.
The guy who basically says, “I like feminine things, and if you mistake me for a woman, that’s on you not me.”
The guy who says, “I happen to enjoy the trappings of both genders and I dress in things I like and behave the way I feel. I don’t feel the need to be male or female in order to understand myself. I am just me. I realize that most others will need to put me in one box or the other, but if they do, they will find out things about me that just don’t fit their model. I can play along with people’s need to be able to understand me, but only now and then.”
Along these lines, I imagine him sitting at a gay bar; a guy might come up to him, sitting all yaoi-pretty and all and say, “ Um… guy, right?” To which he would shrug and say, “That’s entirely up to you, doll. I am just me.”
As interesting as this idea is, it is almost 180 degrees from my natural mindset of having to conceive of everyone in gender terms.
It is a bit paradoxical that I am pushing gender boundaries at the same time as I find great comfort in the most classic formulations of gender roles. Moreover, one feeds the other (?!)
This ideal is also a bit problematic in real life, even if it is something to ponder.
There is no real need to formalize a concept of one’s gender, but in practice it is hard to get away from seeing what’s so obviously in front of our faces. In order to understand the world, we have to organize things, and gender is one of the easiest ways to divide people up and gain a relatively reliable general sense of them.
Suzi Jet
Janie,
You are thrashing about in quicksand. You come pretty close to your ideal – “Pejic” – look but when you toss in fem clothing most of the world is going to flip you into the girl category. And the guy in the gay bar – he doesn’t want a confused butch lesbian or a “T” girl – he wants a guy so you aren’t likely to be asked the question. If you look like a girl they will pass you by. I’m still betting that becoming more of a women is in your future – and I’m betting HRT within a year.
Love,
Suzi
Ashley
Well, you can try that. But what happens in a few years when the ongoing masculinization from your testosterone no longer makes being Janie plausible? The longer you wait the more “mannish” you become. It’s the nature of the hormone.
shannon
Well said, Suzi and Ashley!
cyrsti
Hey girls I get lost in all this gender basketball, preferring to go with how you feel inside.
Separating gender and sexual spectrums in gay and straight venues is fascinating though.
My point focuses on the hormone statement…yes the “T” will masculinize you farther as you age…the same way it does genetic women.
Janie
I am with Cyrsti here.
Ashley, I am pretty much 30 years older than Andrej and still managing; and though my femininity will undoubetdly wane going forward, that is as natural for GGs as it is for me. It actually gets easier to pass later in life.
Suzi, I am not talking about being in a gay bar in women’s clothes – that said, I confess that I know little to nothing about their dating proclivities and you may be right that I would not be a desirable commodity.
Suzi Jet
In real life you “T” will drop as you get older. My theory is the lowering of “T” is the reason we see a lot more trans girls popping from the closet later in life. Hgher “T” levels are ‘protective’ in that they keep your girl side in check. As they lower the girl wants to pop from the closet. Read the article “Late Blooming” on my site – http://www.reocities.com/suzijet/index.htm. BTW – Janie – how old are you?
Janie
Suzi, there are many reasons for late blooming other than hormone levels – mid-life crisis, kids grown up, stale marriage, financial independence and so on.
As to my age, I can only repeat what is on my modeling business card: 39 (again).
Suzi Jet
Janie – absolutely correct there are lots of reasons but I think the decreases in “T” levels has something to do with it. Wish I were rich enough to fund a study but from my experience with a lot of trans friends I think there is a connection.
Andie
“Thrashing about in quicksand” says very well what I see. Discuss hormones, reasons, stability, whatever, but everyone is individual and however individual testosterone still does unwanted things, including losing your hair. I argued with myself for too long, making excuses, explanations, how I could split the binary and be happy – and I wasn’t half as feminine as you are. Just don’t ever look back and wish you’d settled earlier on where you feel safest or most authentic. Few manage to live both genders as happily as those who collapse into one or another. I will argue against the binary till my last breath, but I still have a sense of belonging that in the end really matters to me. I would bet the same for you, when you stop rationalising it so much!
Janie
Wise words about taking action and regret; I think about that all the time. I am mystified, though, why you would argue against the gender binary when you find comfort in it. I too find that same comfort. For me I must – at any moment – be one gender or the other, and not a mixture; that my gender may, at times, not match my sex does not violate that philosophy, nor does the idea that I can be either gender, but only one at a time.
Jamie
It’s not “rare” at all. I would say 75% of males under the age of 20 could “pass” as females with the right hair and make-up. Look at the pictures from any “Reverse Beauty Pageant” for proof.
And some day as the testosterone kicks in more, Andrej is going to wind-up looking like Slobodan Milosovic 🙂
Hes just a media hype. Actually, he’s a mean joke against women being perpetrated by gay fashion designers. Hes just savvy enough to keep his mouth closed and just cash the checks.