The fluid nature of gender roles over time provides more proof that what it means to be a man changes depending on the era and the culture and probably the circumstances. It is common to cling to current sensibilities as if they were pronounced from on high, but recall that the Roman soldiers wore skirts into battle and the males in French aristocracy in the middle of the last millennium wore long hair, wigs, heels, etc.

Mind you, I am not sure the role differences changed as much as the expectations for clothes and appearance.

I respect everyone’s right to choose their gender role, but for myself, I confess to liking the idea of men and women who are distinctly different.

That’s what I grew up with, and though it didn’t always work well, when it did, it was a beautiful dance, each gender complementing the other, achieving things the other could not, advising the other, helping the other, puzzling and enchanting the other…

I could also manage the feat through the yaoi concept, but it is a harder balance to strike. To my mind, it is more honest to say I want to be treated as female – all the way female – than to say that I am staying on this side but wanting the treatment of that side.

It is also more in keeping with my feeling that conforming to the gender norms of society makes what I am doing much easier for everyone to swallow, and for me to understand myself. I may not conform to the gender role I am supposed to, but at least I conform to one of them.

I am still far more comfortable with hetero relationships than “yaoi”-type ones; they are so much easier for me to understand and they align much better with traditional values to which I have been accustomed all my life. You’d think others would feel the same way, but ironically, it seems to me that it is the feminine male though that is the more acceptable to society. Go figure.

If that is indeed the case, I am still open to trying out the idea… (For some other good reasons, see Trying on the Yaoi Gender Mix for Size.)