Jun
08
Sometimes I wonder why I bother… Life would be so simple if I just lived within the lines that society has drawn for me.
I look at regular people who have spouses and children and jobs and friends – and they seem to be happy and leading full and wholesome lives.
They never think about gender, or dating or STDs or marginalization or passing or sexual orientation, or leading double lives, or sneaking out of their houses…
It is a mixed-up crazy world I have built for myself. So many contradictions. So many difficult concepts. So much self-examination and self-discovery. And that’s before we even consider the external challenges.
In a way, it is a very positive thing. It has forced me to better understand myself, to open my mind to new ideas and to new feelings, and to become a better person.
But, there is much work left to be done, and until I can come to some comfortable understanding of the things that continue to trouble me, the whole house of cards is in jeopardy.
Jun
06
What struck me most of all about the innocent little announcement from AP, which I read this week on Yahoo’s news feed, about Janet Jackson signing on to produce “Truth”, a documentary on the lives of transgender people, were the comments from readers, among which:
- Oh great, Hollywood pushing it’s gay agenda again!
- We live in a VERY sick society in these modern times.
- [Josh] Yep. This is what it has come to. Immoral people trying to get everyone to ‘accept’ their garbage and call it ‘tolerance.’ Anyone that ‘tolerates evil and freakishly immoral stuff like this yet bashes God needs a wake up call. If you think our society is better off with everyone being transgender and gay then you have no idea what it is to have morals and I cringe at the thought of these people having kids.
- [Anthony] I cringe at intolerant people like josh c. If you don’t agree with something that’s your right. but you don’t have to attack people just because you don’t accept who they are
- I agree, Josh. Right is considered wrong, and wrong is considered right nowadays. It IS freakish.
- And Josh yes it will come, but does it have to come now, to our families?…
Jesus never said when and think this is why, he gives us the freedom to fight this form of satanism. I actually think he would want us to fight against these demonic forces trying to push aside and discredit his teachings, if not doesn’t it just defeat the purpose of it all. - We really need to go to the barn, dust off and break out the hot tar and the feathers and rail to carry them out on
May
29
For a long time, just being the woman that I am was something, was enough.
I did everything that needed to be done as a man, and when it was time for fun, there was Janie, the party girl.
But, now I am realizing that Janie has to pull her own weight or risk becoming a fantasy, a pretense.
I cringe a little as I say this, but I need to undertake work, drudgery and conflict, commitment and responsibility, problems and challenges, routine and expectation – all as a woman if Janie is going to continue to feel real to me.
Funny, though, because part of the inner appeal of my femininity has been how light and wondrous it has felt. And, now I seem intent on weighing it down with reality.
Read More»May
25
Coming down off the high that is my reunion with the great women of Wildside, I have to remind myself of what real life is about. There is at least a bit of a tendency to think, “Ahhh, that’s the good life; that’s what being a tgirl is all about!”
But, it’s not.
As much as the friendships and good times are the stuff of which a great life is made, the experiences of that week are far too intense and short-lived to be able to extrapolate much from them.
Burning It Up
Wildside burns like a meteor, which – as everyone knows – soon crashes to the ground. We all put our party-selves into high gear and rock Vegas for a week, but by the end of it, even the most hearty of our number – and perhaps, especially they – have run out of gas and need a week to recuperate.
Read More»May
24
If you think a soulful and sensible person has to be boring, you haven’t met Jennifer Long.
I have major trust issues; I admit it. I am very slow to trust people on two separate levels – their intent and their judgment. But, Jennifer is wise, sensible and truly good. I sensed it right away. She broke down my defences in a heartbeat.
I had corresponded with her online before meeting her, but at that first meeting, she assumed the role of a playful dominatrix, giggling an evil giggle.
I responded to this relative stranger by relaxing and putting myself in her hands.
Read More»May
22
The women of Wildside are near and dear to my heart. Herewith a few photos of me and my friends:
These women are more than just pretty faces and sexy bodies; they are truly special people.
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May
20
Last time, I spoke about trade-offs that I make in my effort to be capable of assuming both masculine and feminine roles.
In a conversation with a friend, who confided that it took her 3 hours to get ready each and every time she went out, it hit me there are some compromises I am simply not willing to make.
I am not judging her – she’s totally fabulous, in fact! But, the truth immediately hit home that among the many things I am willing to change, give up or massage in order to allow Janie to flourish in my life, a 3-hour lead time was nowhere to be found.
I am just the girl-next-door… ok, with a twist… and maybe some exotic spice added. The point is that I am just regular people, and I want to be able to be who I am any day, every day. It is not a performance; it’s not an event; it’s just life.
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May
19
I spoke last time about my concern about getting a bruise while playing hockey as a guy.
But, that is just a little part of the bargain I have made with the devil.
As I live on both sides of the gender divide, I am finding more and more that compromises have to be made on each side in order to allow the other side to thrive.
For the most part, the compromises on Janie’s part are about the things I don’t do to myself – like hormones and breasts and facial feminization.
Though I never really quite thought it all through in advance, my guy side has been making compromises that are becoming all the more obvious as I go on.
Read More»May
14
OMG, THAT was FUN!
We invaded Share Nightclub last night and took over the VIP section. It took a few minutes for us to get settled in and suss out the club, and then all hell broke loose!
Our little VIP area quickly turned into an exuberant party, everyone dancing with everyone else, bopping up and down to the beat, embracing, laughing, loving each other’s company!
There were lap dances, girls dropping clothes and shoes, and a healthy dose of raunchiness that never really crossed into the realm of vulgarity.
I danced my feet off for hours, sweating out the tequila I had consumed all week.
I’d dance with one girl, and then a few others would join us; some more arrived and others left in a revolving door of dance partners… every so often, I’d feel a hand caress my back or even a body close behind me and a hand or two coming around the front of my body; it was all good…
I was free and happy and joyful! Doesn’t get much better than that!
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May
11
What do you get when you cram 30 sexy, dancing, drinking, flirting, partying tgirls into a bus filled with liquor and ice and music?
Well, you get Wildside in a Bottle!
This is Wildside mobile, Wildside concentrate! All you’ve come to love about Wildside in a convenient travel pak!
The bait to lure us onto the bus was the promise of picture-taking opportunities; it is well known that none of us can resist having our photos taken…
We had stops at the “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign, the Cosmopolitan Hotel and downtown on Fremont Street, where they collected refurbished neon signs from vintage Las Vegas into a museum of sorts.
There were a lot of nice backdrops for pictures in the Cosmopolitan, but it was a pretty long walk to get to them. And, by the time we made it downtown, few of the girls were willing to undertake another long trek in 5-inch heels. Growing pains – this was the first try at it; we will do better next time.
Anyway, photography, night and neon make for a challenging combination and I, for one, got very few memorable photos, despite taking the effort to actually bring along a tripod and a DSLR.
But, it was never really about the pics anyway. Like everything else we do, it was about the love!
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