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This feels vaguely like climbing, stiffly and slowly, back behind the wheel of a truck I left by the side of the road years ago. I wonder if I can still handle this rig.
Hard to believe, but it’s been nearly a decade since my last post. In that time, we’ve had Covid, and
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I used to have a t-shirt that said, “Hockey is Life, the rest is just details.” Well, I was much younger back then… The details are everything now; and hockey has been a casualty until now.
A lot has happened in my life since I have written anything personal here. That simply playing hockey with my friends is such a big deal is but a hint. I used to play all the time, but as my feminine life took over, anything that required me to assume a male role kinda fell by the wayside. Now, as you can see by the photos, hockey no longer requires me to be a guy. And, reading between the lines, the other message is that all my old guy friends know that I am transgender and have been wonderful in accepting me and keeping me involved in our group.
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I understand that transgender or homosexual people may seem to you to be odd, or unnatural, or off-putting, or even a wrong choice. Many of you may have even made your determination without ever having met one of us or carefully researching the facts. I understand that the way we lead our lives may conflict with the way your religion instructs you to lead yours.
As much as we wish you didn’t feel that way about us (and would like to work to foster a better understanding of one another), rest assured that we have no desire to interfere with your beliefs or the exercise of your religion. We
just want to live our lives in peace and with dignity, much in the same way as you do. The greatest thing about our society is the way people of different backgrounds, races, colors, beliefs and opinions can live together in harmony. It makes all of us richer, happier and stronger.
Look around the world at the places where people try to impose their beliefs on everyone else.
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Looking back on 2014 – not the best year, not the worst. I hope to do much better in 2015. It is high time I followed my heart and conquered my fears.
I am so happy for the friendships that I have made and hope to be a better friend to those I love. But, for now, all I can say is thanks for putting up with me, flaws and all.
Happy New Year!
22
Is this the reality of being trans? That normalcy is a slice of heaven?
I kinda know that already (see Just Living Life, posted only a few days ago), but I saw this graphic today on Facebook and my reaction really surprised me anyway.
Yeah, it’s cute humor, and yeah, there are those who focus on the gun thing and on feminist objections to the father’s protectiveness, but for me what really hit home – and it stopped me in my tracks – was the picture it created in my mind… of having a boyfriend who stood beside me, proud to be with me, and of having the passionate approval and protection of my parents – especially my dad.
Wow!
Funny how the idea of just being part of an almost cliched family experience can be so moving! I see a scene where I am loved and accepted (not just tolerated), protected, desired, wanted, embraced, and where I can have confidence that I belong – and it feels profound.
It seems like just getting back to zero is a major accomplishment for many trans people – and even those whose experiences have been quite positive.
But, I guess heaven is in the small things for everyone. As we strive for money and things and thrills, in a quiet moment it can hit us that genuine love of family and friends is heaven – is the only thing that really and truly matters.
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In the past, I posted my thoughts on some complex transgender issues, but somehow rarely found time to post about just living life.
Not everything is drama, or even deep. In fact very little is.
We go about our days just living life and being who we are. Sounds boring – and that’s probably why I didn’t write about it before – but if one posts nothing but inner questioning and the like, people tend to get the impression that you are troubled. 😛
So, I’d like to provide a more realistic perspective of my life as a transwoman – largely free of
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Well, I must be the devil in disguise…
I recently attended a busy club night and was approached on the dancefloor by a confident young man. “My name is Adam,” says he. I leaned in and replied, “I’m Janie, and I am trans.” Poof!! I swear he evaporated into the crowd!
Am I really that bad? Are we all?
About a half-hour later, another guy was flirting with me and introduced himself. I introduced myself the same way as before.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“It means I’m a little different than most women.”
That staggered him. Reeling and shocked, he literally crossed himself, said a prayer and walked away!
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I just read an article cataloging several examples of how trans woman have been beaten to death for failure to disclose their status and how society has condoned or defended the perpetrators of these vicious acts. It has left me with feelings of sadness and outright disgust at the inner hatred that boils within so many people, including those in positions of authority who are supposed to protect the most vulnerable.
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I don’t think I ever imagined I would ask such a question, but life being what it is, not only is it a question that now makes sense to me, it is a fundamentally important one to me.
With all this talk about one’s gender not being defined by what’s between their legs, and that we ought to expand the acceptable roles for both genders, I think this question of what makes a person a man or a woman becomes quite a challenging one. There are plenty of ways we don’t, or ought not to, define gender. So then, how do we define gender?
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Here’s to a 2014 filled with love, peace, freedom, happiness and health. Also, how about fulfillment, ecstasy, enthusiasm and reaching for the stars!
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