Nov
05
It’s raining today, and I often like to curl up and enjoy the mood that comes with the rain, or at least go out on the covered porch and listen to the soothing sounds of the falling water.
Nevertheless, I’m on my way out again today. But, things aren’t working for me… maybe it’s the discord with the mood of the day, I don’t know.
Read More»Sep
25
I never know how different I appear outwardly as compared to my inner self-perception …
Yesterday, I went out for dinner with someone whom I was excited to meet and whom I’d hoped to impress, but try as I might, I couldn’t manage to feel my true girly self the whole night!
I couldn’t find the right posture, the right voice, the right mood…
Read More»Aug
31
As I was walking around town the other day, I’d take an interest from time to time in whether people noticed that I was not a genetic girl – was I passing?
Trying to be subtle, I could only guess, but I do believe some people “made” me, though no one said or did anything overt. It is possible it was entirely in my mind.
More interesting, however, was that I started to realize that seeing how well I passed was more of a sport than anything to me; I didn’t really care.
Read More»
Jul
11
As I contemplate my life – and it all seems so complicated – it occurs to me how simple life is in what I call Disneyland. Maybe, I’m thinking of Mayberry. Or is it Pleasantville?
Anyhow, whichever it is, a boy grows up there all wholesome and unconflicted, finds a local beauty to marry and live with happily ever after, has a satisfying job and 3 kids that came to be in the purest of ways. Everybody is happy. Days are spent in productive efforts and politically correct conversation, and the community thrives. In time, they will grow old and wise, and be surrounded with generations of family and friends, until they slip peacefully into the great beyond, with a contented smile on their faces.
Of course, this is fantasy, but the question is, “By how much?”
I sometimes see certain people on the street that look to me to have come straight out of such a scenario. No doubt, I am projecting, but when I see a young, rosy-cheeked woman in a modest but pretty dress, with a wedding ring on her finger and a necklace with a cross, smiling as she gracefully makes her way to her destination, I wonder…
So, Why Not Me?
Why do I make things so hard on myself? Why do I try to explore all the options, to color outside the lines, to reinvent the wheel? Maybe blissful ignorance and faith in the tried and true is the real path to lasting happiness?
Read More»May
16
It was upon looking at some older pictures of myself that a distressing thought occurred to me… and often, as now, these thoughts become the subject of a blog post…
I fear that since I have become more womanly and authentic, I have also become a lot more… well, BORING!
Oh, don’t deny it! 
Was a time, I’d wear pink hair and 6-inch heels…
…maybe a caricature, but certainly better for the amusement of others than what I am becoming – which is a fairly regular girl. When one is counting on the attention of her viewers and readers, it is not by any means a given that “normal” is a good thing.
Read More»May
01
As much as I enjoyed my first Viva Wildside Sin City Soiree, this one blows that experience a mile out of the water!
I am a bit shy, and it takes a bit for me to open up to people. Last year, I met a bunch of strangers who turned into sweet friends. This year, I walked into a room of friends and left with real and much deeper connections.
I imagine this experience just gets better – richer – every year…
Read More»Apr
28
Friday night was our chance to live it up. A local gay club – for a fee – treats us like royalty. We get the total VIP treatment, which means a quick escort upstairs to the private rooms with bottle service and a view of the dancefloor.
By this time in the week, the girls have gotten very friendly with one another, and this is the perfect venue to let it all hang out.
Some, by turn, go downstairs and dance among the gay boys, some take their place in one of the rooms, drink in hand, and interact with those who come by, while others prowl around the suites, seeking conversation and flirtation.
And, as always, pictures, pictures, pictures.
Read More»Apr
23
What a difference a year makes!
On last year’s trip to Las Vegas and Wildside, I was just getting to know everyone, and the idea of prancing around in lingerie was quite intimidating for me. Nonetheless, I sucked it up and my concerns turned out to be much ado about nothing.
I had a very nice time, though I must admit I was fortified then by several pretty strong margaritas.
This year, I was among friends.
Read More»Apr
16
Under the general heading of “Pot Calling Kettle” or “Let She Who is Without Sin…” I am putting my high-heeled foot down after seeing the abomination that is called “The Girlfriend Look.”
H&M, of which I am a loyal and enthusiastic customer, issued one of their fashion magazines a month or so ago containing the page pictured at right.
I would have thought that just seeing the photos would have been enough for most everyone to agree that this was an idea whose time will never come…
But, I was wrong, sadly.
After all, the folks at H&M did actually issue it, and I guess fashion designers will have their little laugh and women will have their revenge…
Just don’t come crying to me when you can’t find a masculine man when you want one.
Read More»
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