Mar
27
I realize that almost everyone adopts a gender role that is consistent with their sex, but is there any good reason why I should overrule my desire to do otherwise?
There are men and there are women; it should come as no surprise that there are people in between – both man and woman/neither man nor woman/man acting feminine/woman acting masculine/man looking like woman, etc.
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Mar
12
Here’s my dating advice for those of you interested in me or a trans woman like me…
Be a gentleman. It is so rare that you will instantly become a highly desirable commodity if you do that one little thing.
I understand that your sexual interest in me may have something to do with the ways in which I am different than a woman. You must understand that my interest in you will have everything to do with the ways in which I am the same as a woman.
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Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
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Dec
01
The other day, I saw a crime show on television called “Perception.” The basic premise of the particular episode in question involved a doctor who was “curing” men of their gay-ness by giving them a pleasure-inducing drug and having them have sex with women while feeling that pleasure. The idea was to create a permanent association between hetero sex and pleasure.
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Nov
20
Gender is the simplest thing in the world – until you (or others in your life) start questioning it. Then, there is no end of questioning, no end of wondering, of guilt, of fear, of discrimination.
Sometimes, we make the simple complicated. And sometimes, someone can find the words to cut through all the garbage and make what seems so very complicated quite simple. It all looks effortless, but we know better 😉
I commend you to this video. Watch it and share it. Simple wisdom is such a rare thing.
Nov
17
The grass may seem always to be greener on the other side, but take it from someone who’s walked a mile on both sides, it isn’t worth the gender envy.
Gender Envy by Men
Guys may think that women have it all.
After all, men are beguiled by women’s charms and desirability. And, men are driven to desire sex, while women seem to be able to have as much as they please and yet often decline to partake.
On the dating scene, men must put their egos on the line in pursuit of women, making the first move, risking rejection – and it may often seem that women have no shortage of options at their feet.
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Oct
24
After my last two dating posts (Oops, I Did It Again – A Dating Post-Mortem and Dating and Sex – Smarter the Second Time), I want to elaborate on what may seem to many an inconsistent or schizophrenic dating approach. In fact, some may see me as teasing men and leading them on, only to slam the door in their faces.
I plead innocence. I never promise anything I won’t deliver, and I do my best to clearly set the limits, when I know what they are. To the extent I am confusing anyone, it is because I am still learning the ropes.
Anyway, there are no guarantees on a date and it is a woman’s prerogative to say no at any time. I am not playing games; rather I am trying to protect myself physically and emotionally as best I can. If I change my mind, it is because I am uncomfortable with my previous decision. It may be frustrating, but it is honest. Sorry.
I am a playful little kitten, and quite frankly, the idea of a one-night stand with a stranger is appealing, but only theoretically.
However, as a real-life thing, it is not such a good idea for three main reasons:
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Oct
22
I don’t know what’s in the water these days, but it seems that men have been unusually attentive to me lately.
I say this not to brag or anything, but rather to preface my second chance to do right where I stumbled last time (see Oops, I Did It Again – A Dating Post-Mortem).
This time, it was a much more attractive man with somewhat less skill in the socializing department than the previous candidate.
After some time hanging out together, he invited me up for the proverbial cup of coffee. I had a pretty good idea what was on his mind, but I went anyway, knowing that I was well prepared this time after my last affair and could handle whatever came my way without any chance of violating my rules.
Sure enough, the minute he got me alone he transformed into a lustful, panting man on the prowl, groping and such.
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Oct
15
Lovely night out, I had.
I met a guy who treated me wonderfully, respectfully, romantically. Ok, so he wasn’t an Adonis, but I found that it mattered less and less as the evening wore on.
We talked and flirted for quite a while. We even talked about food and drink and restaurants, and bandied about the idea of him taking me out for dinner in the future.
Eventually, he leaned in and kissed me. Nice.
Sadly, it was all downhill from there.
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26
At least in terms of my physical sex, I know I am not female. No one has to tell me that. I am clearly – and will forever be – male. (There are those who will argue that no matter the hormones or surgery, a person cannot change their sex – but that is a discussion for another day, and an issue of concern more for transsexuals than people like me.)
Gender is different than sex. Sex refers to biological differences. i.e., chromosomes, hormonal profiles, internal and external sex organs. Gender describes the characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine. (This description comes from Monash University in Australia, but the concept is the same on a hundred other sites.)
My gender is often feminine. I am happy to be treated as a woman, and behave in line with society’s expectations on women, and I am a person fortunate enough to have the natural gifts to enable me to do so.
Is my spirit female? I don’t know. Is there even such a thing? Ditto.
Am I pretending or acting? Not really – I mean to the extent I am not used to being feminine and during the time it takes me to learn, some things are put on. But what is not put on or fake are my feelings and the desire to be feminine and to be treated as female.
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