Feb
18
(continued from Beyond Gender)
What we are talking about is the post-gender concept, the “Pejic Ideal,” so to speak: the relatively rare male that can, without body modification or assumption of womanhood, carry off a completely feminine look.
The guy who basically says, “I like feminine things, and if you mistake me for a woman, that’s on you not me.”
The guy who says, “I happen to enjoy the trappings of both genders and I dress in things I like and behave the way I feel. I don’t feel the need to be male or female in order to understand myself. I am just me. I realize that most others will need to put me in one box or the other, but if they do, they will find out things about me that just don’t fit their model. I can play along with people’s need to be able to understand me, but only now and then.”
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Feb
16
Most people agree that there is male and there is female, and with the exception of a precious few folks on this planet, everyone is either one gender or the other.
Then came Andrej Pejic, called by New York Magazine “The Prettiest Boy in the World. (http://nymag.com/fashion/11/fall/andrej-pejic/ )” His androgyny is well-known, being that he models high fashion for both genders, but what’s more interesting is that he says that his gender is entirely a matter of perception and, that professionally, he has left his gender open to artistic interpretation.
“It’s not like, ‘Okay, today I want to look like a man, or today I want to look like a woman,’ ” he says. “I want to look like me. It just so happens that some of the things I like are feminine.”
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Feb
12
The recent implosion of my yaoi gender identity project (as described here) deserves just a little more attention.
My attempt at an androgynous presentation was shot down in no uncertain terms by a family member – which was somewhat shocking considering the contrast to the reactions, or rather lack of reaction, from close friends.
But there was an important distinction.
The family member in question KNOWS about Janie. And my androgynous appearance was in circumstances where we had agreed Janie would not appear.
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Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
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Jan
09
Yaoi, to my understanding, are cartoons involving love between young men possessed of a large dose of feminine beauty. I have been wondering lately whether such a concept has any application to me. (I realize that I have briefly explored this concept of gender before, but I think I am a bit more open to the idea than I was then.)
Thinking about the gender spectrum, what if I, or rather my gender mix, took a step back from being female, tiptoed across that spectrum just past the tipping point back to the male side? My hair is already a profound statement that I have moved along the spectrum towards femininity from my old masculine self; I could push it further by wearing a bit of makeup, or jewelry, or piercing my ears.
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Jan
03
My morning’s email brought with it a bunch of digital photos of me and my family over the holidays, and my reaction to them was not positive.
What I saw were the kind of photos where, years later, a next generation asks, “Who’s that weird-looking guy in this picture?” and the answer is something like, “Oh, he was some crazy uncle… I heard he was a nice enough guy, but obviously quite strange…”
Looking at the photo was troubling not because of the judgment of others, but because of my own verdict, to wit: one strange bird among several normal-looking people.
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Dec
19
Selfish f&%king people!
I may be a bit late to this story (as it was dated November 3) but that’s the only way I know how to react to an ABC News report about Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington, allowing a 46-year old pre- or non-op MTF transgender student to use the women’s locker room that is shared with Capital High School Swim Club and a children’s swim academy.
I am steaming!!
The Incident
“‘[A mother] reported her daughter was upset because she observed a person at the women’s locker room naked and displaying male genitalia,’ said a police report filed in September by a mother on behalf of her 17-year-old daughter… According to parents… the student has exposed her male genitalia, in one instance in the sauna…”
The school says it is following the law regarding non-discrimination based on gender-identity, which requires them to accommodate this student.
My problem is with the student. WTF MTF?! What is the matter with you?
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Dec
12
A number of years ago, I wrote about Nicole, a friend of mine who gave up crossdressing/transitioning despite being the prettiest and most feminine t-girl I had ever met. This person decided that it was all a fraud, and he could satisfy all his needs as a beautifully feminine gay man – almost a yaoi character, if you will. (See my post Yowza Yaoi! for my take on this term, and Wikipedia for a more scholarly description.)
The reasons for his decision that the whole transgender experience for him was not authentic had to do with the way his treatment changed from one moment to the next at the hands of the same people, based solely on his gender presentation. (A wig coming off would be a relationship-changing moment, for example.) It seems their like or dislike, attraction or revulsion for him was based not on his genuine soul and personality but on the way he dressed and groomed himself and the efforts he made to transform his gender or not.
I am sure his own self-perception was similarly affected – and I say this out of personal experience.
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Nov
20
Gender is the simplest thing in the world – until you (or others in your life) start questioning it. Then, there is no end of questioning, no end of wondering, of guilt, of fear, of discrimination.
Sometimes, we make the simple complicated. And sometimes, someone can find the words to cut through all the garbage and make what seems so very complicated quite simple. It all looks effortless, but we know better 😉
I commend you to this video. Watch it and share it. Simple wisdom is such a rare thing.
Nov
17
The grass may seem always to be greener on the other side, but take it from someone who’s walked a mile on both sides, it isn’t worth the gender envy.
Gender Envy by Men
Guys may think that women have it all.
After all, men are beguiled by women’s charms and desirability. And, men are driven to desire sex, while women seem to be able to have as much as they please and yet often decline to partake.
On the dating scene, men must put their egos on the line in pursuit of women, making the first move, risking rejection – and it may often seem that women have no shortage of options at their feet.
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