Jan
14
The last time I spoke about gender identity, I spoke about applying the concept of a yaoi character to my own life, of perhaps being an extremely feminine male. It may seem very similar to what’s going on now, but there are important differences that make it both appealing and challenging.
In my mind, the whole concept can be described succinctly and bluntly as essentially Janie without the claim of womanhood and without the second identity (or gender identity). And, quite possibly without the heels and skirts.
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Jan
09
Yaoi, to my understanding, are cartoons involving love between young men possessed of a large dose of feminine beauty. I have been wondering lately whether such a concept has any application to me. (I realize that I have briefly explored this concept of gender before, but I think I am a bit more open to the idea than I was then.)
Thinking about the gender spectrum, what if I, or rather my gender mix, took a step back from being female, tiptoed across that spectrum just past the tipping point back to the male side? My hair is already a profound statement that I have moved along the spectrum towards femininity from my old masculine self; I could push it further by wearing a bit of makeup, or jewelry, or piercing my ears.
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Jan
05
The original post started as follows: “So, I’ve been told that to describe a trans person as “being born in the wrong body” is simplistic and offensive.”
When I originally happened upon this online discussion, I didn’t think it would amount to anything other than some very sensitive people having their say.
The first few responses were predictable: y’know, stuff like “everyone has their own point of view…,” “ask the offended person for their personal reason…,” blah, blah, blah…
So, I dutifully responded: “It may be simplistic, but simple ways of describing things are usually very effective. Offensive? – well some people get offended by anything. If I had to guess, I would say that if you do the math, telling someone they have a man’s body makes them a man, so someone who feels themself a woman could be put off. Perhaps they would prefer “a woman who is uncomfortable with the incompatible sexual characteristics of her body.”
A Female’s Body is a Female Body
The next responder put it much better and more succinctly:
“Because the person is a woman, thus, it is a woman’s body. That it does not conform to society’s preconceptions of “female” is irrelevant.”
…and we were on our way…
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Jan
03
My morning’s email brought with it a bunch of digital photos of me and my family over the holidays, and my reaction to them was not positive.
What I saw were the kind of photos where, years later, a next generation asks, “Who’s that weird-looking guy in this picture?” and the answer is something like, “Oh, he was some crazy uncle… I heard he was a nice enough guy, but obviously quite strange…”
Looking at the photo was troubling not because of the judgment of others, but because of my own verdict, to wit: one strange bird among several normal-looking people.
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Dec
22
This is one of my favorite ways of getting in on all the fun that goes on this time of year – dressing up and taking pictures. (Come to think of it, I enjoy being in front of or behind the lens all year long.) Well, maybe it’s the shopping then. 😛
Anyway, I hope you like them. 🙂
To all my readers, have a safe holiday season/Merry Christmas!
xo
Janie
Dec
19
Selfish f&%king people!
I may be a bit late to this story (as it was dated November 3) but that’s the only way I know how to react to an ABC News report about Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington, allowing a 46-year old pre- or non-op MTF transgender student to use the women’s locker room that is shared with Capital High School Swim Club and a children’s swim academy.
I am steaming!!
The Incident
“‘[A mother] reported her daughter was upset because she observed a person at the women’s locker room naked and displaying male genitalia,’ said a police report filed in September by a mother on behalf of her 17-year-old daughter… According to parents… the student has exposed her male genitalia, in one instance in the sauna…”
The school says it is following the law regarding non-discrimination based on gender-identity, which requires them to accommodate this student.
My problem is with the student. WTF MTF?! What is the matter with you?
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Dec
17
Aside from the practical and emotional and time-management problems (which I alluded to last time) of leading this double life, of two separate lives under one brain and body, there are self-image issues.
Talking to Myself
I’d look at myself in the mirror and worry that maybe I wasn’t feminine enough – inside and out – to consider myself a woman. This is not simply an appearance thing – or even mannerism thing. Often, looking at my reflection morphed into a conversation with myself, a reflection of a deeper sort.
Sometimes, I asked myself if maybe I was fooling myself; maybe I was faking it. Was I pretending to be female, or was I really partly female? I consoled myself with the notion that awkwardness was to be expected in behaving in a way that was unlike the way I had been used to for decades.
But, the question never completely went away, even as things became more natural for me. One of the main reasons I allowed that doubt to gnaw away at me was that I don’t think I ever really accepted what I had appropriated – that I could be two separate people.
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Dec
15
In the course of contemplating – ad infinitum, I might add – the authenticity of my femininity and my life as Janie, it finally occurred to me that I am actually quite unsettled by the idea of being two people – of leading a double life.
Personal reflection is a strange process by which you think about the same things over and over, until you think that maybe all that thought is just procrastinating away the actual real life you are supposed to be leading. But then, you consider something with ever-so-slightly different words, and suddenly, a door opens.
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Dec
12
A number of years ago, I wrote about Nicole, a friend of mine who gave up crossdressing/transitioning despite being the prettiest and most feminine t-girl I had ever met. This person decided that it was all a fraud, and he could satisfy all his needs as a beautifully feminine gay man – almost a yaoi character, if you will. (See my post Yowza Yaoi! for my take on this term, and Wikipedia for a more scholarly description.)
The reasons for his decision that the whole transgender experience for him was not authentic had to do with the way his treatment changed from one moment to the next at the hands of the same people, based solely on his gender presentation. (A wig coming off would be a relationship-changing moment, for example.) It seems their like or dislike, attraction or revulsion for him was based not on his genuine soul and personality but on the way he dressed and groomed himself and the efforts he made to transform his gender or not.
I am sure his own self-perception was similarly affected – and I say this out of personal experience.
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Dec
03
Today, I bring you a brand new photo, fresh off the presses. (Or is that, “Hot off the griddle?” … Would you believe, “Right out of the darkroom?”)
Perhaps I shouldn’t comment on my own work, but if I didn’t say stuff, you wouldn’t have a reason to visit, right? So, what the heck…
I really like this shot because it seems there is more to it than simply, “Look at the pretty girl.”
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