Mar
27
I realize that almost everyone adopts a gender role that is consistent with their sex, but is there any good reason why I should overrule my desire to do otherwise?
There are men and there are women; it should come as no surprise that there are people in between – both man and woman/neither man nor woman/man acting feminine/woman acting masculine/man looking like woman, etc.
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Oct
06
When I first started out as Janie, I heard that many people considered t-girls misogynistic. I couldn’t believe my ears, feeling that imitation is the highest form of flattery.
But, I do understand now.
There is a cohort of “t-girls” who disrespect themselves and in so doing disrespect women.
They assume the role of womanhood mainly for the purpose of co-opting feminine values in the service of their own masculine desires.
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Sep
19
I recently asked what purpose is served by splitting everyone up along gender lines. Today, I will offer a different perspective.
In my own personal experience, the reason I conceive of myself as either male or female, depending on which I am at the time, is because that is the way I understand other people.
Despite my particular situation, being a creature that can live on either side of the gender line, even I still understand humanity in male/female terms. Whatever gender variations are out there, I see them measured on the man-woman spectrum.
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Sep
17
Yeah, I’m a guy. And a gal. Why can’t I be both at once?
I have tried for quite some time now to try to conceptualize my gender identity. I have rejected many paradigms, but have yet to settle on one that feels right.
In some sense, I am both male and female. But, that makes me two people, and I’m not really, am I?
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Aug
29
(… continued from Roles)
It occurs to me that people generally put no small amount of effort into presenting an image of themselves to the world through the way they dress about who they are and how they want to be seen and treated.
Whether it is the youngster in a t-shirt and ball-cap with his pants hanging well below his underwear or the businessman with a $2,000 suit and professionally selected shirt and tie to complement the look, each has taken a great deal of trouble to send a message about their self-image.
We all know what is likely to be the result of our presentation choices based on our understanding of social norms in society today.
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Jul
07
You have lived in and enjoyed your male body for roughly 40+ years, some of your pals, even longer. Given that you have this need to “express yourself in a feminine manner”, just how exactly do you experience that? When you go out, ‘en femme’, do you actually FEEL female? Is it about being seen and treated as a female? Does it not feel extremely odd, even disingenuous, going back and forth?
Any of you who have followed the comments thread on my last post understand all too well the unpleasantness of dealing with an anonymous, relentless, contrary commentator trying to provoke and insult under the pretense of innocently teaching us the error of our ways. I plead guilty to allowing the whole mess to continue for far too long and allowing her to hijack the discussion (and I have deleted pretty much the entire mess). I will do better next time. I see it as my job to create a safe space for all of us to share our feelings and make our opinions known, and I faltered. Sorry.
That said, our commentator does have her moments, such as posing the interesting questions at the top of this post.
And so, on with my answer… (I hope readers will offer their own in the comments.)
First, I want to address what I see as an inaccurate inference in the question. I do not become Janie to go out, or to be seen. And, if I may further clarify another potential misapprehension in the question, I do not become Janie by getting all dressed up.
Like any person, I have feelings and moods. It just so happens that I understand some of my moods – the bigger, broader ones – in gender terms. There are times when I feel feminine, and others (though fewer and further between than before) when I feel like a guy. I have found that I am happier following my moods than trying to overrule them, so when I feel feminine, I am Janie; when I don’t, I am not. What feels odd, in fact, even disingenuous, is when I force myself to be other than the way I feel.
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Jun
18
I doubt I am alone in confessing that I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror.
I’m not talking so much about the makeup mirror, but more about just seeing the reflection of my female alter-ego.
It seems a common affliction of my tgirl sisters, and I am not immune. It is an old joke that if you want to stop a tgirl in her tracks just put up a mirror.
There are a number of reasons why we do this, and the reasons change for each of us over time.
In the beginning, for me, I think it was mostly about how I couldn’t believe it was actually me. Also, there tends to be a certain element of sexual arousal in a gurl’s early days.
The Mirror of Introspection
But all that has long past. These days, it is more about my questioning myself. And, to that end, I tend to inspect not just Janie’s reflection but that of my male self.
Loathe as I am to admit, seeing beauty in the mirror supports the notion in my mind that I am truly female and doing the right thing in following that path, while noticing masculinity in my reflection tends to incite doubts as to what this crazy guy is doing.
The truth of the matter is that neither is of any importance at all. It is all about what’s inside.
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