Aug
08
After more than two weeks of uninterrupted manhood (slightly impurified by the Janie duties to which am committed and to which I had to attend) I tentatively put my toe in the waters of femininity today.
I am just wearing short workout shorts and a cropped t-shirt and running shoes, but, for the first time in a while, I am allowing my feminine persona to emerge a little, just to feel what it is like. I am still not certain whether the experiment of being a guy is over, but I wanted to see the difference, if only for a day.
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Aug
03
Am I trans?
Seems like a ridiculous question. And yet, here I am asking it anyway.
This is not a semantic or political issue for me, and it’s not a debate about the meaning of the word or the condition.
The question is meant simply to ask whether the girl part of me is really part of my true nature or not.
I have been an observer of this scene long enough to have come to the conclusion that there are a host of reasons why guys dress up as girls, and many of them have little to do with a female spirit living inside them – at least in my view.
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Jul
29
We have a little gay magazine here called “In” – as in “inclusive,” I presume.
It sure pretends to be.
Have a look at their cover picture. See if you can spot the realistic representative of our community…
Actually, there are two trans people in this photo; there’s also an FTM transsexual.
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Jul
28
Ever heard of Kazaky?
They are an up-and-coming boy band, with multi-million-hit youtube releases of two music videos last year. Kazaky is a highly sexualized, gender-bending energetic, athletic Ukranian band, pumping out beat-heavy dance anthems that are actually pretty good!
But, what caught my eye – aside from their rock-hard abs and impressively synched dance steps – was that these boys do it in 4-inch heels!
Now, you know that I am not a big fan of mixing and mashing genders, but I do try to keep an open mind and see how each new idea in this regard hits me, as honestly as possible.
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Jul
26
Among the many things I worry about when going out as a girl, car trouble rarely makes the list.
And, there I was, driving along when my car just up and died on me. I tried to rouse the patient, but it wasn’t responding.
And, to make matters worse, I had forgotten my cellphone.
I sat there, a little annoyed that my day was about to be ruined when I realized how thankful I should be that I was, at that moment, my guy self.
Phew!!
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Jul
22
Yesterday, I was asked why I would feel inclined to try the boy thing again after having moved so far away from it over the past few years.
An interesting and instructive question at that. So, here is how I answered the question, more or less:
It seemed a pretty natural idea – this experiment – given all the doubts I have expressed recently right here on my blog. I want to see what I miss or don’t miss. I want to see what has happened to my guy side – whether he is the same as before or not, and whether whatever started me on my feminine road tweaks me again.
No doubt that Janie has become a dominant force in my life, though she is not a dominant personality at all. The majority of my time has been spent as female for months now – all but a sprinkling of hours here and there.
I need a better understanding of where Janie came from, whether it is a choice or not, and whether it serves me well. I am striving to find all that out as soon as I can, and I will accept whatever is truth for me.
In that regard, take note of a little inner conversation I had this morning when I got up after not nearly enough sleep.
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Jul
15
I laughed; I cried. It was entertaining; it was touching; but it was misguided. Such a drag!
We have an amateur festival of plays here aptly called the Fringe Festival – performances that are often off the wall, sometimes brilliant, sometimes awful, but always under and hour and cheap.
The title of this post is the title of the performance I took in tonight. Apparently, by the year 3000, drag queens will be the most respected people in society.
There were plenty of laughs and some heartfelt performances in this story about an aging wanna-be drag queen waitress in a drag bar, whose performance of a lifetime ends up being a celebration of her drab self.
“It takes a lot of courage to put on a dress; it takes even more courage to be yourself.”
Hmmm… there’s a mouthful…
…but so disappointing…
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Jul
13
So there I was, getting out of my car in my coolest and loveliest sundress. I locked the car and put my keys in my purse. Then, hoisting my purse onto my shoulder, I walked behind the car, preparing to cross the street.
I heard a metallic clank and looked down and back to see a sewer grate. What could have made the noise, I wondered. I knew my keys were in my purse. So was my cellphone. And, my sunglasses were on my head.
Oh well, could have been anything… I had to pee, so I went on my way.
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Jul
11
Has common sense gone out the window? Have people no sense of decorum, or consideration for others?
I could do no better than to shake my head in disappointment and shame after reading a story published by SF Weekly (their blogs section @ /thesnitch/2011/06/crossdressing_man_us_airways.php) late last month. It concerned the denial of boarding privileges to a black football player who was wearing sagging baggy pants that exposed his underwear, while, in a separate incident, allowing a white man in his 60s to board wearing only a bra and panties. (Click here for the original story. ed. note: link removed due to security concerns about originating site.)
This whole episode offends me on so many levels.
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Jul
09
I drove home alone late last night tormented with a feeling of disquiet… Puzzling sensation it was, since nothing of any great import had gone on, really.
Oncoming headlights whizzed by as thoughts floated through my mind’s eye, replaying the few hours just passed and trying to explain the pit in my stomach.
~ ~ * ~~
It had been, actually, a good night… to a point.
I went out to a club alone, and was greeted there by the smiles and open arms of a few friends. A while later, I found myself chatting with a couple, when a nice-looking man with a full head of greying hair approached and asked me to dance.
Nevermind that the song that was playing was the bane of my existence in high school (I won’t date myself by revealing its title), I happily accepted.
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