09
2012On Sexual Orientation – I’m Straight
I am “straight.”
I realize that the concept is somewhat strained in a TG context, and far be it for anyone who is sexually interested in both men and women to honestly claim being straight, but there it is nonetheless.
Yes, I have heard that from men who only occasionally have sex with other men (“Oh, that doesn’t count.”), guys who dream about giving oral to another (another exception, apparently) and others who are simply lying to themselves.
I have no problem with being seen as bisexual, and I fully accept that any guy my female self would consider a potential sex partner is someone “I” (as in the whole of me) would as well. So yes, if you’re keeping score (or anxious to find gayness in people), I am probably bisexual.
Nevertheless, from a purely informative aspect, “straight” captures what I am about so much more clearly and completely.
For me, the best of sex (and, not coincidentally, relationships) is about the interaction between a man and a woman. It just so happens that I can be either.
Not to confuse things further, but as a woman, I am also attracted to women; as a man, I have no interest in men.
Ok, so I am predominantly “straight.” 🙂
The label’s not really important; I just like the succinct and efficient way of conveying a pretty big thought.
Larry
Wow–You write some Heavy stuff
Ashley
Helen Boyd wrote, somewhere, that transfolk are the “queer heterosexuals”. Which is very appropriate. However, there is no guarantee that you’ll be one way or the other after or even during your transition. You may end up not even interested in sex. You just can’t predict.
janie
Ashley, I don’t understand. You are writing as if I am taking hormones and going for GRS; I have never given any indication that I would do either. Given what I have written about sex being such an important part of my enjoyment of life, not to mention motivator, I can’t see myself doing anything that would jeopardize that; can you? And, I am not making any major changes in my life – as I have said before – so why would my orientation be affected?
Ashley
Well, you have stated that you are planning to live more fully as Janie which you described as including working and (perhaps) having a sexual encounter as Janie. This would indicate a transition at least of some kind. IF you transition more fully to live most or all the time as Janie, then hormones might enter the picture. Whether you opt for SRS is probably far off at this point. BUT the statistics show that transitioners don’t always end up with the sexuality they predicted. Some changed orientation and some didn’t. (I.E. some remained attracted to the gender they were attracted to pre-transition and some switched and a few weren’t interested at all).
janie
Thanks for the info, Ashley. It is good to know, even if I don’t see its application to me at this point.
paula
Yes heavy stuff, but generally I think I find myself in teh same situation, it’s just that being married I don’t do anything about it
shantown
There you go again…..describing me to a perfect “T”. Gee, how did you know?!?!
Uh, no pun intended, btw……..lol
just another tranny
Heavy??? How about ‘contradictory’? If you are a functioning male, with all the appropriate male ‘junk’ in proper working order, no matter how you choose to describe, present or imagine yourself and….you are having sex with another man, that is GAY/HOMOSEXUAL SEX. The fact that you swing both ways, just makes you BI.
You can call it trans* sex, or transgender sex if it alleviates your homophobia, but it is still GAY/HOMOSEXUAL SEX. Being honest with yourself involves some issues, but lying to yourself and trying to convince others of your POV only works with “others” of like mind.
Not so much with ‘regular’ or ‘normal’ people.
My take on this is that you seem to have a similar thought process to that expounded by Gay Jay, aka Playgurl. The only difference that I see is that Jay has a healthy acceptance of himself and is apparently quite self satisfied with just how he is. No conflict on his part.
janie
Must be hard to go around KNOWING TRUTH in all its incarnations…
Angel
I hate labels… they so often get in the way of enjoying what life has to offer. If I’m attracted to a person it’s because I’m attracted to *them*, not because of their sex/gender/whatever. It’s so much more fun that way.
janie
Amen to that, Angel.
just another tranny
Truth, Janie? What has this to do with “truth”? The only labels being mixed and matched and bandied about here are straight and bi. How can one be both when they are mutually exclusive? I am just pointing out the obvious.
You guys just seem to play pretty fast and loose with the English language, thats all.
Mary-Margret Callahan
Janie! I mean this with love…..Forget the labels. Seriously, it doesn’t matter. No one needs to wear a sign around their neck. We already live in a grey area with gender, no need to try to draw colours on the pallett. If you like someone, like them for who they are, not what they are and try not to disqualify someone for the same reason.
If the same were said about race, it wouldn’t sound good, would it?
Imagine, “When I’m a woman I like (insert race) but when I’m a man I don’t like those people.” Think of it like that.
Yourself, in a gender grey area probably would not like to hear someone ask, “So, are you a man or a woman? I have to know 100% which you are so I can decide whether to love you or hate you.”
I racked my brain trying to figure out what I was for thirty years before giving up on the enterprise as a massive waste of my time. Its a relief to just not care and to like a person for who they are regardless of race, colour, gender, etc. Sometimes they are female, sometimes male, and more often, somewhere in the middle.
When People magazine puts out their Hot celebs list each year, I run down the list and mentally decide who I would bang. It often sounds like…” Scarlett Johansen, yes. Opra Winfry, no. Brad Pitt, yes. Ryan Seacrest, no. Ellen DeGeneras, yes. Rosie O’Donnell, no. Jeffree Starr, yes. George Clooney, no. Hellen Mirran, yes, Bruce Willis, yes.etc..” It never is about gender.
Respecfully,
Mary-Margret
label free since 1998
janie
Mary,
You’re smart and well-intentioned, so how can I not listen to you?
In the broadest sense, you are right – and I should probably stop with that. But, let me explain myself a bit…
I guess my thoughts were about conveying, in the simplest way, what I am generally about. The use of that is that if you are looking for a needle, you may find one in a haystack, but you’re better off looking in a needlestack.
More than that, I may be going through what you were years ago on a bit of a different level. It is one thing to decide that person A is doable and person B not so much; but how do you solve the confusion of feeling that person A is doable, but if he takes off/puts on a wig and a dress, he immediately becomes completely unattractive (not because of labels or generalities, but on an individual basis)? I know a tgirl/cd who is very attractive, but I have met her male self and, well, he is… not so much.
That’s a big question/problem/confusion because it is the SAME PERSON. It is something I will be dealing with in upcoming posts, but I don’t pretend to have an answer.
All that said, forgive me but there will be posts proceeding on the basis I have laid out, but I know that you are right about generalizing. I will try to work toward that end.
And thanks for your wise input. xo Janie
Sarah
You may eventually find – as I have done – that your sexual appetite and activities become focussed on one person only – yourself ! With increasing age, the opportunities for indulging ones whims diminish, not because of lack of desire but because the people one is sexually attracted to, dont want to have sex with an old guy – even if he presents as a somewhat younger t-girl. So the best (and probably the only) sexual partner becomes the one you see in the mirror. Never fickle, always admiring and always ready to play. Its not a bad life and it doesn’t interfere with the social interactions we all need in whatever mode we present ourselves
janie
Oh, gee, Sarah! That’s a deal with the devil. You’re a sweet, vibrant and sexy woman, and you deserve more than sexual solitude. It is easier, sure, but if you find that woman in the mirror attractive, chances are others will too. Besides, I worry that you will come to have feelings of guilt and such about being turned on by yourself and having yourself as your most intimate sex relationship. (Forgive any offense I may have inadvertantly made; my thoughts are only of kindness toward you.)
Delila
Ooh ouch! that cold wash of reality strikes again! It seems Sarah has a keen sense of the obvious.
Not wishing to add to that chilly downer but consider…”that woman in the mirror “. Not to belabor the obvious but is there not a potential “Crying Game” moment in the offing if “she” were to act on “her” amorous impulses?
Is that not the crux of the problem?
Sarah
I actually don’t know what you are referring to with “Crying Game” moment. All I can say that I am very happy with the situation and am not trying to justify any failure on my part. As far as I am concerned, there is no problem because what I am and do is purely my choice.
Sarah
Well Janie, we are all different and don’t worry, no offense taken.
As I was an only child, I guess I got used to solitude so I don’t really miss the interaction with others – hard as that may be to believe. As to guilt – no way ! I have nothing to feel guilty about so that won’t happen. Of course, if things changed and the opportunity came about to share my life with someone I was attracted to and who also enjoyed Sarah too, I probably wouldn’t turn it down but the reality is that at my age “it aint gonna happen” The fact is that I am very happy with my situation. Furthermore, being able to enjoy sex whenever I want to is keeping me very fit amd healthy as well as feeling great. You can’t ask for much more.
janie
As long as you’re happy, Sarah. 🙂
just another tranny
FYI “The Crying Game” was a really good, (IMHO), psycho-thriller, released in 1992. When the ultimate twist played itself out, I was totally shocked as it was so totally unexpected.
It’s a really cool flick, worth watching.
Sarah
OK – Thank you for that. I will have to try and watch it some time, making sure I don’t discover the twist beforehand.