11
2012Doing What Comes Naturally
If you have been following my story, you no doubt note that I have never indicated that I had a torturing or desperate need to express my femininity. I am no transsexual.
It should be relatively clear that the female side of my self – which is utterly genuine – is something I express because it serves me.
Yes, it is something that comes naturally to me.
Yes, it is the most fulfilling expression of my sexuality.
Yes, I love being this way.
Yes, I am hoping to follow my feminine leanings in terms of building a better life for myself – maybe I can improve on the results I achieved as a man.
There are countless reasons why being female works for me, personally – coincidences, conveniences and others, which I will recount for you one day – and I have to say that I have doubts as to whether I would have followed this path if not for a virtual Red Sea parting before me along this path.
(I suppose some might say that the life context that has facilitated my being Janie was the result of the way I am rather than a happy coincidence… I suppose that’s possible…)
The Circle of Life
And, lately, a new development: the boost in determination and self-confidence I have received from being Janie has filtered over to my male side and resuscitated his energy.
For the longest time it was hard to yield my skirt for his pants; I found it quite upsetting. I wasn’t enjoying my guy life even before (which, I hasten to add is wholly different than not enjoying being a guy), but then all the drudgery was left to his side of the equation with half the time to deal with it and things became progressively worse.
Plus, I was having such a good time as Janie that any time I had to stop was frustrating for me.
Now, though, he has been feeling better, and I am enjoying his (limited) presence. I am finding a better balance, but also, Janie is volunteering to take over some of his burden.
Rather than a transition, I see this as a hugely supportive step for my male side.
Though it is but a remote possibility, it vaguely occurs to me that I might be travelling in a large, multi-year healing circle back to where I started. I doubt it, but ya never know!
just another tranny
Can’t honestly say that I understand all this but…ifin’ it works ya, DON’T FIX IT!
cdjanie
Thanks. I believe that’s the kindest thing you’ve ever said to me. 🙂
just another tranny
You are most welcome. I have never meant to be cruel. Just REAL.
shantown
It is nice to see you speaking nicely to each other…..lol. 🙂
I think “real” is a great word…..one that can mean different things for each of us. I think we all want to know what is “real” for us, and we need to be careful not to impose our “real” on someone else when there is a difference in the two.
Edy
A very wise friend told me one time that my fem self does not take away from my male self, but adds to. For so long I saw my gender parts battling one another for position and suppressing one side for the total exclusion of the other. Because our sexual energies are so strong and my female sexual energies pull stronger than my male side, I thought that I was transexual. But it just didnt fit. I liked my guy self. I just stopped nurturing him for a long time. I am working on finding balance and seeking ways to find happiness and success while having both genders firing in my brain and seeing that I am both male and female, dinstinct and seperate but still residing within the same person. Thanks so much for your insight. You are very wise as well and a beautiful person.
ways to find expression and meaning for our whole resouceful selves, sepe
cdjanie
Thanks a lot, Edy. You’ve expressed these complicated thoughts probably more succinctly and elegantly than I have. I do find though that accommodating both sides is a huge, often tiring, and difficult task we’ve set ourselves.
shantown
This is one totally coordinated lady. Even the colors in her drink match her top. Well done, Janie!