30
2011Unreliable E-male
I have been chastising myself lately for being a bit too reclusive and not making enough of an effort to get out there and meet more people. So, when a guy I met online asked me to coffee the other day, I decided that I’d just say yes.
Well, coffee was great, but he didn’t show up. (Hence, “Unreliable E-Male.”)
I IMed him later and his response was, “Oh, didn’t you get the email I sent you yesterday saying I couldn’t make it? Can we go out later this week?”
Um… no. I didn’t get it. And that was probably cuz he didn’t send it. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
I’m not sure what he could have said to convince me to give him another chance, but whatever it was, he didn’t say it.
Truth be told, I was half expecting it, anyway.
My girlfriend has read Alice in Genderland – and has recommended that I do so as well. But, not being an avid reader of books, I haven’t gotten to it, so she has graced me with a few tidbits of intelligence from the book. Relevant here is that Alice was regularly stood up when she agreed to meet guys – so much so that she eventually adopted a firm policy of never agreeing to meet anyone. Rather she let them know when she was going to be at her regular hangout, and they could show up if they liked.
I am frankly puzzled by this behavior of standing us up. Clearly, it is an epidemic, but why? It benefits him not a lick, and inconveniences and disappoints us.
The simple courtesy of a properly delivered message keeps the door open on both sides.
Cyrsti
I really hate the stereotypical slaps at men…Especially with my intimate knowledge of them (lol) But dammit, a whole bunch of them are jerks!
janie
Cyrsti – this is not meant as a “stereotypical slap” – it is simply something that happened to me with not really any generalizations. I was warned this would happen, and it did. That’s it.
I do agree with you that stereotypical “men are pigs” generalizations are unfair and unproductive. If I have come off that way, I apologize.
klyde
Guys that do this probably fall into one of two catetegories: jerks or cowards. The jerks never intended to show up, they just like screwing with people. The coward probably wants to meet but like the t-girl who can’t take that first step out the door he can’t work up thhe courage to follow through.
Louise
Dear beautiful Janie,
I feel very sorry for you, you are a marvelous girl, shame to the ‘pig’!
Do not bother he is not worth it, smile and be a happy girl!
Love
Louise
Angel
Perhaps I can shed some light on it. I have a friend who is into the whole BDSM thing. She often complains of the same thing… men wanting to meet her, who either back out at the last minute, or (more often) just not show up. We deduced that many if not all of these guys are just playing out a fantasy, but are too afraid of actually following through. They get a thrill out of offering themselves to a dominatrix, and that is quite enough for them.
I think it’s something similar here… these men fantasize about getting together with a t-girl… but are afraid to follow through. You’re just an unwilling participant in their little fantasy, which will remain just that… a fantasy.
Cheer up though… there are lots of nice guys out there. Hey, I found one. 🙂
I do like Alice’s idea though!
janie
I refuse to get cynical. I am sure there are nice guys out there, like yours. It’ll take more than one of these experiences to make me stop accepting what seem like nice offers. And, if it happens too often, there’s always Alice’s approach.
Ashley
I do think Angel is on to something. I agree that for manyiy takes little little or courage to send an email and set up a datea but it is very different when it come to actually following through with it. It is too bad because it is nit just themselves they are affecting but also another real person. And to steal an overused cliche ” Its not you its them” But this time its true.
shantown
I agree with the other thoughts here. The guy probably couldn’t believe he worked up enough courage to ask, never dreaming you’d say yes. When you did, he most likely freaked out… oh no, ow what do I do? Since you hadn’t personally met, the easy way out was just not show up.
On the scarier side… maybe he did show up. Were there any single guys in the shop… possibly that you passed outside??? He may have been, for whatever reason, “checking you out” before actually contacting you. Gosh, I hope not… that’s sorta scary to me…..
janie
Shannon, it really doesn’t matter if he was checking me out. If he didn’t show cuz he didn’t like what he saw, I’m ok with that. I’m not sure why that is scary to you.
shantown
I was just referring, rather poorly I guess, to the possibility that there were more sinister, “criminal” motives involved. I’d just hate to think this guy was stalking you.
I’m a crazy old lady, I guess, but it does happen….
janie
Yes, that would be awful. I don’t see it in this case. But thanks all the same for looking out for me.
Dale
Hi Janie, I have heard that comment regularly here in Calgary as well,lol ironically I get chastised because I go out and meet too many girls,at least according to some ,not to me.lol Dale
Al n Vegas
I did not read all the comments, and I have never made a date and stood up a girl( it was the other way around) I think most guys have a vusual of a girl, what it would be like, get all worked up, feeling real good about the whole idea.. then he starts to think, doubt himself, what if, could this, how will, etc. Before you know it, he has scared himself and would not venture out the door, much less follow thru on a date.
janie
Thanks for the perspective, Al.