Apr
13
I used to have a t-shirt that said, “Hockey is Life, the rest is just details.” Well, I was much younger back then… The details are everything now; and hockey has been a casualty until now.
A lot has happened in my life since I have written anything personal here. That simply playing hockey with my friends is such a big deal is but a hint. I used to play all the time, but as my feminine life took over, anything that required me to assume a male role kinda fell by the wayside. Now, as you can see by the photos, hockey no longer requires me to be a guy. And, reading between the lines, the other message is that all my old guy friends know that I am transgender and have been wonderful in accepting me and keeping me involved in our group.
Read More»Nov
22
Is this the reality of being trans? That normalcy is a slice of heaven?
I kinda know that already (see Just Living Life, posted only a few days ago), but I saw this graphic today on Facebook and my reaction really surprised me anyway.
Yeah, it’s cute humor, and yeah, there are those who focus on the gun thing and on feminist objections to the father’s protectiveness, but for me what really hit home – and it stopped me in my tracks – was the picture it created in my mind… of having a boyfriend who stood beside me, proud to be with me, and of having the passionate approval and protection of my parents – especially my dad.
Wow!
Funny how the idea of just being part of an almost cliched family experience can be so moving! I see a scene where I am loved and accepted (not just tolerated), protected, desired, wanted, embraced, and where I can have confidence that I belong – and it feels profound.
It seems like just getting back to zero is a major accomplishment for many trans people – and even those whose experiences have been quite positive.
But, I guess heaven is in the small things for everyone. As we strive for money and things and thrills, in a quiet moment it can hit us that genuine love of family and friends is heaven – is the only thing that really and truly matters.
Jan
21
The always insightful and elegantly expressed Petra Bellejambes, whom I am proud to count as a friend, pointed out recently the separateness of gender and sexuality, at least for her.
Our feminine experience alters us to varying degrees. Some are exactly the same person regardless of gender expression. Some find gentler and subtler aspects of themselves in their femininity, and even use that as a way of improving their male selves.
Some transform only for sex; for others, sex does not play a part at all.
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Nov
14
Comments on my recent post about dealing with the temptation to get my ears pierced ran inevitably toward the idea that one should do what makes one happy, especially when it comes to one’s body.
I replied there and repeat here, that we live among people, and the quality of our lives depends to a great extent on the relationships we create.
To be able to put at risk relationships that have endured decades on the hope that others of comparable richness will rise to take their place is an act of courage, no doubt.
I understand that a person has to be true to herself. But, in many issues – and perhaps in most of the issues of complex soul-searching – the truth is not so clear, at least to me.
Others seem to see my true nature so much more clearly than I can, and I have to ask myself whether I am being dense or they are jumping to unwarranted conclusions.
I know that a big part of my hesitation is that I am at a stage where moving forward is a big step – perhaps not so much externally as conceptually. Not moving forward is also a big decision, but not deciding is less so.
It would be nice to just allow myself to float the way my emotions lead.
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Aug
29
(… continued from Roles)
It occurs to me that people generally put no small amount of effort into presenting an image of themselves to the world through the way they dress about who they are and how they want to be seen and treated.
Whether it is the youngster in a t-shirt and ball-cap with his pants hanging well below his underwear or the businessman with a $2,000 suit and professionally selected shirt and tie to complement the look, each has taken a great deal of trouble to send a message about their self-image.
We all know what is likely to be the result of our presentation choices based on our understanding of social norms in society today.
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Jun
27
In my last post, I described how the shroud of secrecy surrounding our separate female lives can work to our advantage as well as how it might mislead us as to its potential.
Let me take a moment to comment on one negative aspect of our secret lives.
Having a separate persona with no family or past or whatever, is great for protecting the emerging t-girl as she finds her legs, so to speak.
However, it turns her into a paper doll – a two-dimensional person.
No one can really get to know someone who doesn’t really exist.
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