Feb
12
The recent implosion of my yaoi gender identity project (as described here) deserves just a little more attention.
My attempt at an androgynous presentation was shot down in no uncertain terms by a family member – which was somewhat shocking considering the contrast to the reactions, or rather lack of reaction, from close friends.
But there was an important distinction.
The family member in question KNOWS about Janie. And my androgynous appearance was in circumstances where we had agreed Janie would not appear.
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Feb
09
As much as theoretically I saw a helpful gender identity distinction at the boundary-line between male and female, I have found the distinction difficult to sustain on the ground.
For me to behave in a feminine manner, I have to channel a distinctly female energy within myself. I am not able to become a feminine man other than by seeing the world from as female a perspective as I can muster, and then stepping back over the line by filtering out certain clothes.
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Feb
06
It seemed to me an awfully big deal to finally see the possibility of expressing my feminine gender identity as a man rather than as a woman. (See Trying on the Yaoi Gender Mix for Size and A New Take on My Male Gender Identity for more.)
I have expressed concerns about the latter, feeling to some degree, inauthentic, or put on. And, I have expressed the opinion that as long as I stay on the male side of the coin, the degree of my femininity is merely a question of fashion and therefore not subject to the same kinds of reactions and objections as gender questions might be.
Well, I didn’t get very far along this yaoi road before reality – at least my reality – stepped squarely in my path.
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Jan
24
I obviously recognize that whatever I have done or wanted to do as a woman – or, on the other hand, as a man, “I” (as in the whole of me) did or wanted to do. And, despite genuinely feeling that these were two distinct and separate parts of me, I always felt just a little fraudulent implying with my separate personas that I was somehow two separate people. I was not and am not suffering from multiple personality disorder, I have always been fully aware of both sides of myself, I knew I had but one body, one brain, one heart.
In short, regardless of how it’s framed, whether a feminine male or two personas, I must “own” all of it.
My increasing realization that Janie is me and I am Janie, and that I was never comfortable with the logical flaw in seeing myself as two people has led me to try to find a way to make it all one.
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Jan
14
The last time I spoke about gender identity, I spoke about applying the concept of a yaoi character to my own life, of perhaps being an extremely feminine male. It may seem very similar to what’s going on now, but there are important differences that make it both appealing and challenging.
In my mind, the whole concept can be described succinctly and bluntly as essentially Janie without the claim of womanhood and without the second identity (or gender identity). And, quite possibly without the heels and skirts.
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Dec
19
Selfish f&%king people!
I may be a bit late to this story (as it was dated November 3) but that’s the only way I know how to react to an ABC News report about Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington, allowing a 46-year old pre- or non-op MTF transgender student to use the women’s locker room that is shared with Capital High School Swim Club and a children’s swim academy.
I am steaming!!
The Incident
“‘[A mother] reported her daughter was upset because she observed a person at the women’s locker room naked and displaying male genitalia,’ said a police report filed in September by a mother on behalf of her 17-year-old daughter… According to parents… the student has exposed her male genitalia, in one instance in the sauna…”
The school says it is following the law regarding non-discrimination based on gender-identity, which requires them to accommodate this student.
My problem is with the student. WTF MTF?! What is the matter with you?
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Sep
19
I recently asked what purpose is served by splitting everyone up along gender lines. Today, I will offer a different perspective.
In my own personal experience, the reason I conceive of myself as either male or female, depending on which I am at the time, is because that is the way I understand other people.
Despite my particular situation, being a creature that can live on either side of the gender line, even I still understand humanity in male/female terms. Whatever gender variations are out there, I see them measured on the man-woman spectrum.
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Jun
15
The government of Ontario has become the first jurisdiction in North America to add gender identity and gender expression to the list of prohibited grounds of discrimination under its Human Rights Code.
Woo! hoo!
But, while I am ecstatic to be protected from discrimination, I cannot escape a nagging feeling of dread.
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Aug
03
Am I trans?
Seems like a ridiculous question. And yet, here I am asking it anyway.
This is not a semantic or political issue for me, and it’s not a debate about the meaning of the word or the condition.
The question is meant simply to ask whether the girl part of me is really part of my true nature or not.
I have been an observer of this scene long enough to have come to the conclusion that there are a host of reasons why guys dress up as girls, and many of them have little to do with a female spirit living inside them – at least in my view.
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