Apr
03
Why do I do this gender thing? This is a big question for me.
Many people have a ready answer, “I was born this way.” I am not sure I believe that about myself, and even if it is so, there is not enough there to stop and put the pen down.
I have noted the number of issues in my life that being Janie has addressed. She has added excitement and motivation to my life, she has increased my self-esteem, she has helped me break some debilitating patterns – and there is lots more I expect to come.
But, I have struggled with the idea that instead of this craziness, of dressing like a woman and having to deal with the doubts I have, the social risks, and other attendant lifestyle risks, that I should just “man up” and get help if necessary, but solve my problems in the “normal” way, through personal growth, and addressing the real concerns instead of doing an end-around.
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Nov
07
I put nail polish on my fingernails a few days ago, and wow, what an incredible intrusion it has been in my life!
…no, not really in a bad way; more of an enlightenment really.
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Jul
13
Imagine a couple living in Manhattan, with a subscription to the opera, an enjoyment of the restaurants and nightlife and shopping, and the buzz of the city… when the husband, 20 years into this lifestyle, taps his wife on the shoulder and says he has decided to become a farmer and they need to move to the countryside.
“No, New York is where I’d rather stay. I get allergic smelling hay. I just adore a penthouse view; darling I love you, but give me Park Avenue.”
How many women would go along? How many would trade in “the stores” and “Times Square” for “chores” and “fresh air?”
She would have to deal with changing her lifestyle, finding new friends and losing many old ones; in many respects she would feel like the rug was being pulled out from under her and her expectations of how they were going to live their lives. And, of course, the question of, “How long have you been thinking about this without telling me?” would come up, along with a sense of betrayal. If the man is unwilling to compromise his choice, there is every chance that marriage will fall apart.
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Mar
06
(…continued from The Answer to My Prayers)
Old habits die hard.
I have talked about wanting to change the focus of my lifestyle from the safe and conservative, middle of the road to something more interesting and beautiful and sublime – painting outside the lines if you will… and that Janie’s appearance in my life helps move me in that direction.
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Mar
05
I am, at times, very confused about who or what I am, and where this is taking me and my life. One minute, I can be ecstatic about being Janie, loving my femininity and my sexuality, tingling all over at the sheer energy I get from being her… and the next minute, I am wondering what kind of freak I am, why I pretend to be a woman when I am a man, how much of a destructive distraction all this is: harming my future, undermining my ambitions, risking my reputation, messing with my sexuality and threatening my relationship.
I think that one of the main impelling forces toward Janie’s emergence was sheer boredom with my life.
In some measure, I had worked all my life to achieve this so-called boredom.
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Feb
21
I read, with great skepticism, a year-old article with an astounding premise: that gender can be changed by the manipulation of one gene!
The article is here.
The idea is that gender depends, at least in part, on the competing action of genes that are shared by both sexes. That means that we all maintain the ability to change from one to the other, potentially… The therapy actually changed the reproductive organs of the mice upon which it was conducted, and without adverse effect.
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