Recently, I undertook the task of going through my blog posts to get a sense of my history. It has been a bit of a humbling experience – so much so that I think I owe my loyal and persistent commenters an apology.

There came a point where these commenters ganged up on me, with several suggesting therapy. I bridled at the advice, mostly because it was getting in the way of more a comprehensive and insightful discussion. But, having read my posts around that time, I now realize that their patience with me was heroic, and that it was only after the tenth time around the same fully-discussed circle that they finally caved.

I was at the edge of a decision, but too scared to go forward. I was making excuses and prevaricating. Everyone, including me, knew what I was going to do eventually, but there had to be a catalyst.

Still, it was, on balance, a good decision to take a break from blogging. Separated from my blog, I had more time to be myself, to just live my life – and I moved ever closer to transition, as we all knew I would. I became unwilling to tolerate most constraints on my female life, and resigned to the fact that I could handle the consequences of being outed to just about anyone – though, of course it was my preference to do it in my own time and my own way.

Then, my father passed away. On the day of his funeral, I appeared as his son and gave a eulogy. In the moments of emotional catharsis and calm that followed, I quietly resolved to fully accept myself as the woman I so obviously was and to live as Janie always and everywhere.

And, this I have done ever since.

So, to those who spent all that time on my blog and gave me the benefits of their counsel and wisdom, I would like to offer an apology for the way I suspended this blog, and perhaps more importantly, heartfelt thanks for being there for me.