03
2013Delusion – What Exactly Are You Seeing?
I had a bunch of people over for a Canada Day barbecue.
I was dressed as you see me in the photo below, which was taken just after everyone left. Now, what sort of delusion are my friends under that not one of them had any reaction whatsoever, good, bad or indifferent, despite knowing me only as a guy?
Seriously, now… I have never said a word about Janie to any of them, and over the time they have known me I have transformed from a conservative kind of guy to the person you see in the photo. Lately, I have been pushing the envelope, but no reaction – ever!
Today, GF and I were pretty much willing to tell these people everything, but there was never any opening despite me appearing far more obviously female than I ever have before with them. The way I appeared today makes virtually no effort to disguise my femininity. I mean, short of wearing makeup, jewelry or a dress and heels, there isn’t much further I can go. And believe me, I wasn’t trying to act masculine either. If anything, I was tempting fate there too.
At one point I exited the kitchen in such manner as to cause one of my guests to remark on how unmasculine it was – but they never connected the dots or followed through.
So, what’s up with that? Do they not notice? Do they not care? Or are they under some delusion?
Have any of you ever had such experiences?
Shirley
Oh people are so good at making assumptions, usually wrong, without bothering to actually verify their conclusions. You’d have to ask to find out what they’re thinking. The beauty pageant look should be enough to get a reaction or two though. lol
Janie
Yes, I think a tiara might catch their attention… 🙂
Shirley
Ooops. I forgot to check the notify boxes.
Jane Douglas
Difficult to draw any conclusions not knowing the nature of the relationship you share with your friends. But perhaps they were just being polite guests and didn’t want to risk offending you?
Janie
Possibly, but we are all pretty close (and I took care not to invite anyone not within that small circle) and there’s a lot of kidding and such going on – so there’s always ample opportunity to say something.
Gabriela
People see what they expect to see.
Your guests know you as a guy, therefore the see a guy (at least as long as you don’t go completely over the top outfit-wise).
I know you as a girl, therefore I see a girl in your photos. At least in most of them 😉
Janie
So, this wasn’t obvious enough? Maybe next time, the same thing, but with makeup and jewelry? If at all possible, I’d like for it to dawn upon them gently. Or maybe they know already?
shannon
I think you hit the nail on the head here…. they already know. Possibly they’ve already figured it out, have talked about it amongst themselves, and have been waiting for you to “come clean”. At any rate, their lack of response ,in my opinion, shows an acceptance on their part. Time for you and GF to spill the beans maybe???
Julian
Nobody commented because they were hunger and hoped to get a copy of that great picture which leads this post. t
Steve
My first thought is that they weren’t suprised or they were so surprised, they weren’t sure what to say. I know this is little help, but their silence may have been out of respect and friendship to you. You seem so happy in your pictures and if we were friends, your happiness would be enough—I wouldn’t ask a lot of questions.
Janie
That’d be nice, if people thought that way… I guess you did, so maybe they did too? At this point, it is all just a guess, right?
Suzijet
Dear Janie,
Maybe they have watched you morph into Jaine and are no longer surprised at how you might appear, even the more feminine you is okay with them as long as you feed them well 🙂 But politness would let them refrain from saying anything till you brought up the subject. Wonder if they talked among themselves??
Love,
Suzi
Janie
If it doesn’t matter to them, that’s fine with me. And, yes, I wonder too…
Marci
Were you wearing a bra
Janie
No, nor perfume, jewelry or makeup.
Jay
I admit that if I didn’t know you at this point, I’d be reading you as female, at least visually.
Jo
You don’t say how many friends you had at your party. In explaination just from deductive reasoning you can conclude with some degree of probability that at least one knows or is at least is very sure of there suspicions that you are trans and respects your rights and doesn’t want to cause you any embarassment in front of others.
The others may range from somewhat suspicious and/or curious to not even considering that you may be trans and none of them said anything to you. Sounds like some nice folks to me and I’m sure you all enjoyed yourselves. I don;t think you have to worry about reavealing yourself to them if and when you want to. Couse there can be an ass in the group but that would be out weighed by all the other more respectful and kinder ones.
Hugs,
JoAnn Cooper
Janie
It was a fairly small group, JoAnn, and ample opportunity to discuss my situation privately. In any event, we shall see what the future holds, since I now feel free to be casually feminine with them without concern. Perhaps I will add my necklace next time…
shannon
I’d say next time add a touch of makeup…just a little foundation and powder to even out skin tone. Nothing else more overt. My guess is you won’t get any response,at least any negative response. Your clothes here were more obviously feminine than a touch of makeup would be. Clothes can be seen across the room. A touch of makeup could go undetected. I pretty much wear a taupe colored eyeliner all the time now, with no response or reaction.
Marci
You re running. Out of in the future
Ask me How I know
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Marisa
Hi Janie,
I think people have an enormous capacity to compartmentalize, and if they like you or love you, and have known you for a time, they can be pretty accepting without necessarily putting it all together.
If you’d like to email me, I’ll relate my experience in this area. (I’ve never posted a comment before anywhere and I’m not yet comfortable enough to share generally).
Janie
Thanks for your comment Marisa; whatever you are comfortable with is appreciated. I am also gratified that you chose my site to make your first comment.
You are, no doubt correct in your assessment, and I know this because I asked them. More on this in a soon-to-be-coming post, perhaps as early as tomorrow. 🙂