Aug
27
One of the reasons I sometimes doubt the authenticity of my feminine side is that I find myself almost with a feeling that I am observing myself.
I have many things to remember to do differently in order to be the woman I imagine myself to be, and there is a sort of internal dialogue going on sometimes as I evaluate myself.
That doesn’t seem natural and so I start to get a sinking feeling that if it takes so much effort, it may just be that I am putting the whole thing on. I start wondering whether it is simply an exercise in self-deception.
But, I probably should cut myself a little slack here.
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Mar
05
I am, at times, very confused about who or what I am, and where this is taking me and my life. One minute, I can be ecstatic about being Janie, loving my femininity and my sexuality, tingling all over at the sheer energy I get from being her… and the next minute, I am wondering what kind of freak I am, why I pretend to be a woman when I am a man, how much of a destructive distraction all this is: harming my future, undermining my ambitions, risking my reputation, messing with my sexuality and threatening my relationship.
I think that one of the main impelling forces toward Janie’s emergence was sheer boredom with my life.
In some measure, I had worked all my life to achieve this so-called boredom.
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