Apr
03
Why do I do this gender thing? This is a big question for me.
Many people have a ready answer, “I was born this way.” I am not sure I believe that about myself, and even if it is so, there is not enough there to stop and put the pen down.
I have noted the number of issues in my life that being Janie has addressed. She has added excitement and motivation to my life, she has increased my self-esteem, she has helped me break some debilitating patterns – and there is lots more I expect to come.
But, I have struggled with the idea that instead of this craziness, of dressing like a woman and having to deal with the doubts I have, the social risks, and other attendant lifestyle risks, that I should just “man up” and get help if necessary, but solve my problems in the “normal” way, through personal growth, and addressing the real concerns instead of doing an end-around.
Read More»
Feb
25
In response to my previous post asserting that, for me, living a female life is a choice, one commentator expressed an interesting challenge to that thinking, and one that I feel deserves a post of its own in response:
I wonder if you were required to put Janie away how long it would be before her needs started to show up in ways that you might not expect or find comfortable. I’ve heard the same story from a lot of us that when their female sides were pushed out of sight she pushed back. Nothing is worse than a “T” girl scorned for she will become a real bitch until she is once again free. The free girl is pleasant and relaxed while the closeted one is anything but.
Into a not so scientific experiment? Why don’t you put Janie away and see how long it takes for the choice to become a need?
I don’t have to “put Janie away” for even a minute to realize that I would be pretty miserable without her. All I have to do is think about doing so and I start to get agitated.
That settles nothing, however.
Read More»
Feb
23
In all my recent writing about contemplating an adjustment to the way I express my femininity, there is one huge presumption: that I have a choice.
This is not a popular concept within the transgender (or even gay) community, and I am not going to undertake the futile task of even suggesting that my feelings apply to anyone but me. Suffice it to say that there are those who believe that it is a stronger statement to say “I choose to be” than it is to say “I can’t help it,” though the latter has always been a better political argument.
Read More»Jul
09
I had an odd thought today: why shouldn’t I be able to choose my gender according to my desire, no questions asked?
If you are born or brought up male, there are an awful lot of people who expect you to justify the choice of a female life on the basis of medical condition, inner spirit, psychiatric need or some way of showing that a true female lurks within.
In fact, we do it to ourselves. I have been looking for some kind of proof of my feminine credentials for some time now. Am I? Really?
But, why does it matter? Why can’t I be female for no other reason than I feel like it, or that it makes me happy? Whom am I harming? What’s wrong with it?
It is not like every Joe on the street is going to see that there is no “rule” against switching genders and immediately shave his legs and put on a skirt. Men guard their masculinity quite jealously. Those of us who even contemplate such things – nevermind actually following through – are obviously naturally inclined that way.
Or, am I missing something? (How’s that for “teeing one up?”)
Jul
03
I have run a few posts questioning my sanity and wondering whether I should be doing this tgirl thing.
In response, a friend (possibly tiring of my incessant whining 😉 ) wrote in and advised me to stop overthinking my existence and just enjoy being who I am – “one pretty, feminine girl,” in her words.
My first thought in answer to her comment was, “I wish I were as sure as you are.”
But, a more interesting thought followed on its heels, as I wrote my response to her comment.
I said then, “Believe me, if the world around me laid down a path to happiness lined with pink flowers and lace, I’d not think twice about it.”
As the words escaped my keyboard, their truth rang out.
It seems that what is not among the many uncertainties with which I am grappling, is any doubt that I would be perfectly happy to live as a woman.
Read More»
Apr
02
As an emerging t-girl, I go through ups and downs… sometimes wondering whether I have gone way too far down the wrong road.
The trouble is finding a pure perspective from which to analyze my true feelings and desires.
She’s Always There
For one thing, every day when I get up, I am greeted in the mirror with a hairless body and face, and long curly locks flowing from my head…
…and I have to ask myself whether I am no longer giving my male self a fair chance to predominate.
Read More»
Recent Comments