A recent encounter with a man reminded me of my own past difficulties – in another life – dating women. Now that I get to see things from the other side – her side – I really have to sympathize with both players in the dating dance.

Long ago, I was, as he and so many others are, the kind of man that could fall hard and fast for the right woman. As a woman, I am discovering just how unsettling that must have been for her!

The dating experience is just so different from the man’s and woman’s points of view.

Men are often more than happy to find a woman they are attracted to and jump in with both feet. If it doesn’t work out, well, it was fun and bye! Even if they do get seriously emotional about the relationship, it doesn’t seem to stop them from jumping in again just as impetuously.

Women tend to tread much more carefully.

A Woman’s Perspective

The way I see it, (and the way I now am) the woman’s passion must yield to the more serious matter of feeling safe… safe that he is not a psycho, safe that his judgment is reasonable, safe that he is in control of his emotions and his… ahem… brain, safe that he has been a sensible person in the past and has avoided disease…

She can’t know these things about him in an instant, so she needs time together to evaluate him under various circumstances, maybe even meet his friends, etc.

Surely men would do well to be equally selective, but the dating dance has evolved to where the man is largely absolved of this responsibility.

He just pursues, hunts as it were… and it falls to the woman to control the availability of sex. Men don’t worry that a woman will drive him to a secluded field and force him to have sex with her; they fantasize about it! Men can’t get pregnant and don’t tend to contract disease as easily or as seriously. And men don’t tend to worry too much about her promiscuity, having faith (however misplaced) in her sexual selectiveness and reluctance.

T-girls tend to know men better than real women; we still maintain honorary membership in the club, after all. Not only that, but most of us have had male friends in a male bonding sort of way. We also understand women better than most men, I think. Having one foot in each camp, so to speak – maybe we can help bridge the gap.

Some Advice

So, let me just say…

When a man relentlessly or forcefully purses a woman, most often he succeeds only in scaring her. She is looking for signs of stability and he is providing plenty of signs of impulsiveness and lack of control. An impatient man is hurting his own cause. She is not playing games; she is protecting herself.