08
2014Define Gender: Man, Woman, What’s the Difference?
I don’t think I ever imagined I would ask such a question, but life being what it is, not only is it a question that now makes sense to me, it is a fundamentally important one to me.
With all this talk about one’s gender not being defined by what’s between their legs, and that we ought to expand the acceptable roles for both genders, I think this question of what makes a person a man or a woman becomes quite a challenging one. There are plenty of ways we don’t, or ought not to, define gender. So then, how do we define gender?
I know there will be those out there who will say that gender doesn’t matter and that we are all simply just people. But, what then to make of all these insistences on proper pronoun usage, and why need trans people ever consider the journey from one gender to the other when the same possibilities exist for each?
My own perspective, uncertain as it may be, leans to the opposite – and is not likely popular in more progressive circles – that gender does matter, and moreover that I am pretty much sold on the gender binary. I think there is a world of difference between men and women, and though it may sometimes be difficult to put one’s finger on what that difference specifically is, it is palpable and, may I say, wondrous.
I could go through the litany of supposedly feminine characteristics, only to be shouted down by those who will provide examples of women to which these do not apply or men to whom perhaps they do. I am also ignorant (blissfully?) of whatever science might be out there on this point. I rely, therefore, on the “I know it when I see it” paradigm as my way to define gender.
I tend toward the belief that despite all the changes in gender roles over time, men are optimized to be efficient and protective, while women are more about personal relationships, emotional well-being and inner and outer beauty. Men focus on lower level needs; women on higher level ones. Men are “body”; women are “soul.”
… and that’s what makes the two distinct genders so nicely complementary.
I’ve had my say, but I am just one little voice. Now it is your turn. I know there are tons of other perspectives on this, and I would love to have them expressed here, so that we can all consider one another’s ideas, and learn from each other. How do you define gender? Does gender matter to you?
cyrsti
Here is my very simple answer to a very complex question:
“When I get up in the morning these days and simply are adjusting to spending all of my days as a woman…I don’t think about gender. I am what I am, it’s between my ears.
BUT….I do think about gender when I begin to dress to meet the public. The process just makes me aware of their perception, not mine.
Janie
A good friend of mine once told me that for her, being a woman is about how she is treated by others. That, for her, was the fundamental difference between being male and female. Your comment about how you are aware of others’ perceptions of your gender made me think of that. And, I think she has something there.
Jane Douglas
I think you’ve summed it up nicely Janie with the body and soul analogy. It’s never that clear cut but in the broad strokes – and based on my own experience – I believe it to be true.
From a very young age I’ve had an interest in the transgendered and always felt that I was more fragile than most of my male couterparts. But the need to express my ‘inner gender’ only really began to emerge about 10 years ago.
It coincided with a series of emasculating events in my life including some failed business ventures and a failing marriage. As my male ego deteriorated a softer gentler more compassionate ‘me’ began to grow.
Along with these personality shifts my interests also shifted and at this point I’ve almost entirely abandoned any traditionally male activities in favour of more nurturing and spiritual interests.
As a result the need have my outer persona reflect my inner gender has also grown, and continues to grow.
Thank you for posting this question Janie. Although I’ve been well aware of the changes I’ve gone through – and identified them as traditionally feminine traits – without your definition I wouldn’t have seen it so succinctly linked to my evolving gender.
Jane
Janie
Thanks for your comment, Jane. I do believe that it is common for there to be a connection between both lower testosterone production in middle age and failure to succeed as a male on the one side, and the emergence of a more feminine self on the other, though it is open to question as to whether an underlying femininity from the start was the cause of the failure as a man or the emergent woman in later life was the result. Does that make any sense?
Jane Douglas
Yes, it makes total sense Janie. It’s sort of like the “chicken or the egg” conundrum – lol!
But I’m content to think that each factor has contributed a bit to my evolution. And I’m grateful that it has made me the person I am today.
“One is not born a woman, but becomes one.”
– Simone de Beauvoir
Jane
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Shae Guerin
Nicely put, and I do appreciate the gender binary – it allows me to step out of a role imposed by others before I was born, and that’s empowerment. Besides’s we’re all stuck with it – more or less my excuse for staying medically male.
Janie
Well, it is a fine line – many of those who step outside of the role imposed by others see themselves as negating the gender binary, especially when they stay in the sex they started as. Those of us who step out of the male role by assuming the female role see it differently, but those who either deny the concept of gender or retain the one they started with and take on behaviors that may or may not be what is expected by traditional roles – well those folks do not accept the gender binary.