Jun
20
For me, the biggest doubts about being a woman concern the betrayal that it may be of the guy that I always understood myself to be, who I thought I was, who I thought I was going to be.
I use the word “guy” because I am not sure that I ever entirely got to the point of considering myself a “man.” There were and maybe still are issues of maturity and other things that are mixed into that psychological mess, but I never acquired, in my own eyes, the gravitas that being a man – as I understand the term – involves.
And, more than likely, being female as I am now is either a cause of or a result of that same thought process.
Or, maybe both.
Jan
20
I have often wondered whether I am being unduly generous with myself in allowing that I might be two spirits in one body.
But then, I have an experience that reinforces the truth of that assertion.
I was out and about yesterday, doing my thing in a pretty patterned skirt, pink tights and a white top – and yet I felt every bit a man. It was a bizarre feeling of being trapped inside these feminine clothes, and having to force every girly action. I was totally pretending.
I was feeling strong and somewhat aggressive and practical; not the slightest bit soft.
I remember saying to myself, “These stupid shoes – how am I supposed to get anywhere in these!?” And, “Why am I doing this?”
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