Jun
08
Sometimes I wonder why I bother… Life would be so simple if I just lived within the lines that society has drawn for me.
I look at regular people who have spouses and children and jobs and friends – and they seem to be happy and leading full and wholesome lives.
They never think about gender, or dating or STDs or marginalization or passing or sexual orientation, or leading double lives, or sneaking out of their houses…
It is a mixed-up crazy world I have built for myself. So many contradictions. So many difficult concepts. So much self-examination and self-discovery. And that’s before we even consider the external challenges.
In a way, it is a very positive thing. It has forced me to better understand myself, to open my mind to new ideas and to new feelings, and to become a better person.
But, there is much work left to be done, and until I can come to some comfortable understanding of the things that continue to trouble me, the whole house of cards is in jeopardy.
Dec
30
Ever look in the mirror and just ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing dressing and acting like a woman?”
Cuz, I still sometimes do…
Oct
30
I hate to rain on the parade of the “I told you so”’s out there, but my wonder and joy at feeling so feminine while spending a solid week living as a woman has given way to an equal and opposite masculine feeling.
Since I have been back, I have had to be in a male mindset non-stop for almost a week, managing construction and landscaping issues and other business matters. (Don’t ask!)
After all that solid guy time, my intention to switch to girly mode today for a Halloween Party tonight and tomorrow night has met with no small amount of internal resistance.
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