25
2012Seeing Ourselves in Others
Every day, I get people friending me on flickr, and when I go to check them out, I find that a disturbing number of them seem to have gone through a surprisingly similar routine in their self-photography.
What they seem to do is take a few pictures of themselves facing the camera, with their heads cuts off, and then they turn around and bend over for the camera.
A good number of them repeat the process in panties and bra, or in the nude.
And then, having had the opportunity to see what this all looks like on their computers, they decide it would be a good idea to post it online for everyone to see.
I am forced to ask myself, “Why?”
Is it lack of imagination? lack of self-respect? Or is there some secret code of self-promotion or mating call of which I am unaware?
It is unattractive. It is in no way titillating. And it is exasperating.
But for me, the worst of it is, that it is disappointing and embarrassing. Yes, I am personally embarrassed by it, and this is why:
…because it is so common.
If one person did this, I could dismiss it as their problem. However, having seen so many examples of this, I have to conclude it is our problem.
Quite aside from the image problem it presents for our community, I am concerned that it belies a common defect that I might share, that we all might share.
Any thoughts?
Ashley
I’m convinced that there are some in the CD community who have very male concepts of what is alluring. So they pose the way they do. And then post them for all the world to see. And it isn’t pretty. Nor is it alluring.
In some respects, you have a sense of what is alluring, because you think more like a woman than some. When you had your “Naughty” site, your photos were more sexy than tawdry and that says a LOT about your true self. Which is one reason I’m convinced your transness is deeper than a plain vanilla CDer (if there is such a thing.)
Lisa K
Janie, I agree with you. Pictures like those you indicate sure leave the wrong impressin of our community. Most of us are more like you in that I hope we think more like a woman and thus present as one. The pictures on Flickr which I really enjoy are ones like yours and Heidis and others who show yourselves as you wish others would see you, as women.
Enjoy your day and thanks for your blog.
cyrsti
It is my opinion most of these people are fetishists only.
Yes the clothes make them feel so good, they believe others will feel good looking at them in the clothes.
Obviously they are light years away from the trans culture..even crossdressers on some levels. The clothes are more important than the image.
OK, 2 other points. After all they are men and the ego plays in and at the very least they are novices and will learn from the humiliation.
Unless of course they like it!
shantown
Agreed…and agreed again! I think Ashley hits a good point about “true selves”. Those who do their best to present a believable, even sexy, femal image do indeed have a trans ness that runs deep. I know mine does.
Cyrsti’s point on men is right on too. I think there are many who dress for their own “thrill”, and they dress and pose in ways that they would like for a woman to dress and pose for them. To me, these aren’t truly a part of our community….but are the main ones that society uses to degrade the rest of us.
two specifics I always hate….First, girls that don’t smile in their pics because they’re trying topull off some sultry look… or something. A smile is a beautiful thing. Your wonderful smile is a great example of how it can pull a whole look together…a very feminine look.
Also, I’ve never understood what’s with all the pictures of girls kneeling on all fours, on the floor or on a bed?!?! Especially on the floor. I mean, I get the idea, but please, kneeling on the floor with one’s cheeks in the air (like you’re waiting on the family labrador to come along) is not appealing or attractive…IMHO. I say do us all a favor, stand up, and carry yourself like a woman with class……
(okay, I”m off of my soapbox now…. whew!)
cdjanie
I agree mostly, Shannon, but even I think that smiling is not always appropriate in a photo and am working on doing some with different expressions. A photo tells a story – and that story may be intense, happy, sad, fun, dirty, sexy, sultry, submissive, kinky, ironic, passionate… whatever.
shannon townes
Oh sure…but so many seem to be stuck on the same almost frowning story. I’d much rather have a smile stuck on my face. Guess I just don’t do “sultry”.
Jenell Kauffman
I agree with you, those kind of pictures always turn me off. It amazes me that when I become Jenell, I don’t want to become sexy in a way that a guy might want for a one nighter but what he would want for a life time wirh me. These kind of pictures don’t do that.
cdjanie
Jenell, sometimes it is hard to know what men want. Yes, we will be treated differently if we go slutty as opposed to refined, but in the end we have to dress and behave in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves rather than as a function of the judgment of others. Don’t you agree?