15
2012Internal Chauvinism
I think there is an implied conceit among many men that they are the drivers of what matters and that females are mere adornments. I believe that my post about chauvinism in that old tv series Banacek shows the kind of thinking I am talking about.
Oh sure, men are evolving, and women too. But, I think that buried deep in the psyche of both sexes, this attitude still lurks.
One manifestation of that is the feeling that some tgirls get that somehow becoming female is a step down, or a disrespecting of their masculinity. Some actually enjoy “demeaning themselves” in this way, finding a need to punish or humiliate themselves for some reason.
Reinforcing this sense of the inferiority of the feminine gender, some women will ask why a man would ever want to become female, as if being male is easier, better, more privileged. Of course, it is understood why women want to become more like men…
I will admit having struggled with this issue myself.
I come from a very traditional family, so the idea that the man is in charge rattles around back there, echoing in the caverns of my skull.
So, when I see myself in the mirror and my femininity does not adequately disguise my male self, I feel a bit uncomfortable. It is as if I am asking ‘him,’ “Why are you doing this to yourself? You look ridiculous!”
And, I think it is more than just seeing a gender mishmash that I find unappealing. I think there is that chauvinism that says, “Why are you making a mockery out of a strong, competent man?”
I welcome feelings such as sensuality and grace and sometimes wanting to be taken care of and even maybe a degree of submissiveness (perhaps better expressed as a preference to support rather than lead?)… and the same conceit that may tell me that being a man is about strength and gravitas also tells me that those feelings I welcome are weak and out of bounds for him.
But, I do not believe that females are second-class citizens, and I do not believe that women are inferior to men. I think each gender has its strengths and weaknesses, and that men and women complement each other beautifully, and have much to learn from one another.
And, I believe that I have been given a great gift to have strong influences of both genders in my composition and to be able to carry off either role convincingly and effectively (but in either case, likely somewhat differently than the single-gendered members).
Shannon Townes
Now I know that we all tend to share only those pictures that we, ourselves, like. All of us probably have thousands in the trash can….something about a pose, or smile, or outfit we didm’t like. Maybe, indeed, “he” was interfering. I seriously doubt, though, that one should ever use the words “Janie” and “look ridiculous” in the same sentence. Shame on you!
Quite honestly, I think there may be a very small part of me, deep in there somewhere, that keeps up with your pictures hoping to see some trace of “him” some day, to be comforted and reassured, knowing that “wow, even Janie cam have a bad day. There’s hope for me yet!” Don’t take offense…..but know what I mean? Your feminine image is that convincing, that compelling.
I welcome all of the same feelings you mention. Of course they are foreign to him. Society has taught him differently his whole life. A point here…that I think you know…just because something is foreign or different doesn’t mean it is wrong. What’s wrong may actually be what has become comfortable over all those years.
BTW…that little part of me still hasn’t found anything yet. I think it finally gave up.
cyrsti
Great post!
One of my reoccurring thoughts is why did I give up the so-called male privilege that seems to come with reaching 60 ish. Sir rolls off the tongues of either gender as some sort of sign of respect that perhaps you have gained some sort of advanced knowledge of life in the male lane.
Why did I?
I think my female side says “because I wanted to.”
My male side says “because you had to.”
Chauvinism at it’s best????
My total self says “best move you ever made. What took you so long?” You idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janie
Not to make too much out of it, but have you noticed that your female side says “Because I…” and your male side says “Because you…” Is there something to be learned from that?
Mary-Margret Callahan
In some ancient societies, the feminine man was considered a deity and worshipped as they controlled both the male and female spirits. These cultures understood the power of the female. The feminine spirit has been commonly referred to as “Mather Nature” or that which creates and nurtures life. She is more powerful than man and if she gets pissed off will whip up a hurricane or something to teach you a lesson. Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” goes into some depth about that. He talks about how our civilization has tried to squash that power. To the point now (I do have one)… some of us, including you, don’t view femininity as a weakness. We see the power of the feminine. In this post-feminist culture, women are taking back the power by not trying to be more like men but by being more of a woman. There is no denying the influence of the high heels and push up bra. An example….if a woman is at a corporate board meeting and trying to exert her power, does she make more of an impact by wearing pants, flats, a tie, hair in a bun and no makeup? or if she wears a pencil skirt, some cleavage showing, heels, hair down and a little makeup? One thing we know as men… No matter how strong we are, we have a great weakness…women.