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2013My Trans-Sexuality – Where I‘m Coming From
Here’s my dating advice for those of you interested in me or a trans woman like me…
Be a gentleman. It is so rare that you will instantly become a highly desirable commodity if you do that one little thing.
I understand that your sexual interest in me may have something to do with the ways in which I am different than a woman. You must understand that my interest in you will have everything to do with the ways in which I am the same as a woman.
Same as any woman
The upshot of this: I am not a man in a dress, I don’t get dressed to go out and have kinky sex from the “other side,” and I am not pretending to be feminine to prove a point to women. Neither am I out to reset female standards to those dreamed of by men. Rather, I bow to feminine expertise and experience and try to learn from them, because they know better. Women know the most about how to be feminine in a livable way, squeeze the maximum advantage out of their strengths and minimize their risks.
Also, I accept (and you should too) that the sexual restraint often practiced by women is not a plot to drive men nuts or exercise power over them, but mostly just being sensible, careful and taking care of their own needs.
I am not in the habit of going to a bar to meet someone for sex; nor do I expect to make real personal connections there. Rather, I would hope to meet people in the normal course of living, working, shopping, in a restaurant or café, at a dance lesson or wine club, in the supermarket, etc.
And that means I don’t “dress up as a woman” to go prowling; rather I just live daily life as a woman with the vast majority of time (though, by no means all of it) spent without a sexual thought, spent on work and achievement and charity and friendship. And I welcome the way in which each experience feels different from doing the same thing as a man.
And, I’m convinced that the best relationships come from just meeting people in the normal course of living, where there is a real personal connection.
Shannon
IMHO….oh dear….this could be the best post you’ve ever written. How incredibly well said!
To answer THE question in the middle…. “NO”. You’re not living just for sexual reasons. You are simply a woman, and just like any other woman, you have your sexual ideals and desires, and are willing to embrace the right opportunities and not shy away from them. Seems pretty natural to me.
Me too…I get it.
Shannon
Great picture BTW! Very feminine and natural. Love the outfit.
Shannon
Great picture, BTW! Love the casual, feminine outfit.
Jay
Amen to what you said in this post. Good manners are rare and very much appreciated.
Suzi Jet
Janie – you are a pretty woman and should never forget that entitles you to very special treatment. Enjoy your adventures in romance.
Love,
Suzi
p.s. I’m still betting that you are on HRT in less than 11 months because you are going to want to experience all that being a women involves and that requires estrogen 🙂
Chelsea
Janie, I love the post because it is well written, reflective, and honest. It rings true, although it does not match my exact experience.
I would say, however, that predictions of where you are going in terms of HRT or other steps seem overly speculative. For me, being trans means being in a state of flux, that my gender is in movement not stasis. No matter what I may do, I will never be a ciswoman. But I know that I am more than a conventional cisman. And that knowledge makes all the difference.
Janie
Thanks, Chelsea. Yes, people do have their opinions about HRT – not sure if it says more about them or me.
I think the state of flux is something that is primarily there until you find your place. I’m not sure it continues past that point, or if it does, it is in much smaller measure.
dale
Hi Janie, as always I do enjoy reading your thoughts ,which give me subject with which to sit and chat when we once again enter each other’s orbit every year. You are so naturally feminine that flirting and talking as I would any woman that I found very attractive happens so smoothly one does not even realize it is happening. It has been a while since I replied to one of your revealing , and engaging posts,lol, my apologies, I will step it up. Have a great day ,Janie, my very pretty petite friend . Dale
Janie
As always, Dale, you are very sweet, and say the nicest things. 🙂
Klyde
Great post and a great pic.
Julian
Two really great posts. It is about reaching your potential. Their those of us who dream about being young and female love these set of short essays. Remember to ask the question, what does a caring and loving man gain from being with you?
Janie
I certainly have asked that very important question, Julian. I am sure I did a post or three on that in the past, and I am sure I will revisit that issue in the future.
Generally, I think that the right man would receive much the same from a t-girl as any man receives from a woman, with the difference that perhaps we might relate on a slightly different level that might be more comfortable for him, both emotionally and sexually. Alternatively, rather than comfort, he may be looking for something unique and exciting, and he will be able to find that both personally and physically, both within the relationship and in terms of the way his involvement in the relationship changes his position in the outside world.
Can’t say it’s all fun and games; rather it would be a real relationship with its ups and downs, give and take. I imagine that for some men, depending on their individual needs, they will find in a tgirl exactly what they desire. Who could hope for anything more?
Lex
What a wonderful complete approach to your womanhood and desires. It is hard to understand why some think that just because one chooses to be outside the “Norm” of gender means that they have some all consuming desire to get laid! Whoever we are or whatever we believe, a relationship is all about MUTUAL respect and hopefully…love.
Dana
Quite the interesting commentary, I must say. And of course, in many ways, you’ve hit the nail on the head – or some other part of the antatomy that perhaps hurts worse! Having lived with a transwoman for over 16 years, I suppose I’m one of those relatively rare humans that “gets it.” And that’s what we’re talking about, humans … which is probably th eonly label I prefer, other than on cans to tell peas from apple sauce.
In my past relationship, she worked, lived, and experienced life as what she was, a woman. Whether or not she was born that way wasn’t the point, and really no one’s business but hers. But you’re correct that many people – men as well as women – seem curious, as well as unsure how to act and react.
My ex- was very self-conscious as she was 6-feet tall, very slim, with a swimmer’s build. She had modeled in NYC when we lived there, but sitll had the inferiority complex that so many people – not just transpeople – have. She always felt someone was watching her and, worse, “reading her.” I felt I knew better, so set out to prove it one summer evening in midtown.
I asked her to walk about a half block ahead of me so I could listen to what comments people made, if any. She was sure they were derogatory. The very first couple she passed stopped and turned to look, then one said to the other, “Is that her?”
“I think so!” was the reply.
So while she WAS correct about being watched, it wasn’t for the reasons she thought… people just knew they’d seen her somewhere, or thought she was an actress or high-fashion model.
I relate this story because it fits with what you say about how you wear your femininity, which is much as she did. She hated tall girls who slouched, and was proud to wear heels whenever out in public, thus making herself taller than ever. With a size 6 waist and that height, is it any wonder people were SURE she was “that girl” from the magazine, the movie, the TV show?
People need to realize that everyone is just like they are – well, the normal ones anyway (lol) – and have the same hopes, dreams, and desires. We are all sexual beings, that’s a gift we received when we’re born. How we choose to express it is our own business, and no one has any right to expect or assume anything about anyone.
Excellent post, looking forward to reading more of your blog!
Janie
Thanks for your comment, Dana. We are indeed a bit self-conscious about what people might be thinking of us. I think that says more about us than about anyone else.