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2013The Fundamental Relationship Between Gender Equality and Attitudes to Transgenderism
Have you ever considered that much of the resistance to MTF transgenderism is based in male chauvinism and misogyny and their equally ugly feminist sisters?
There really shouldn’t be much resistance to a man wishing to become a woman if we really do believe in equality, and if both genders are perceived in a positive light. There is no advantage if women are not superior or entitled to special rights, and there is no shame if women are not inferior. There is no betrayal of one or invasion of the other if the opposite gender is not viewed with suspicion.
Stepping down for preferential treatment
I think some people believe that perhaps women do get preferential treatment and object to a man who has been advantaged all his life by virtue of his gender, now changing genders and taking advantage of remedial policies.
I also think there are those who believe that it is quite a degradation to move from male to female, from the dominant, leading actor to a supporting, perhaps even decorative role.
For those who believe that women are lesser, that less is expected of them, a move from male to female could be considered a cop-out, or an abdication of adult responsibility.
And, for those of us who can be both, there are those who feel that it is unfair for someone to be able to cherry-pick their gender; to be a woman when there are affirmative action programs for jobs or university admissions, or when clubs offer free entry for ladies, or when disaster strikes and we continue to apply the anachronistic “women and children first” philosophy, or to compete in the women’s half of the Olympics or tennis tournaments but to change into a man when looking for a job or a promotion, or a preferential salary, or when going to an affair where women have to get all dressed up but men can go as they please, or getting into the “old boys’ club,” or having access to a washroom without lines (and standing to pee).
Pan-Gender is Neither Panacea nor Pandemic
Let’s all take a deep breath and remember that there are really very few people in the world who can see their way clear to changing their genders, and still far fewer that can pull off the dual-gender bit.
The rarity of the behaviour should itself indicate that those who do undertake it aren’t kidding about it.
And further, those of us who are in some way crossing gender lines know well the resistance in society – a further impediment and discouragement to anyone thinking about doing it. Far from an advantage it is much more frequently a terrible disadvantage.
Point being: though theoretically, a dual-gendered person has the world by the tail, in reality there is little to fear of this; a tiny percentage of people wish to do it, a small fraction of those actually can in a way that doesn’t invite ridicule from everyone they meet, and the advantages of being able to choose gender by the moment are debatable and dubious.
Beyond that, we do believe in equality, don’t we? And we love each other, don’t we?
Don’t we?
Andie
Absolutely. This is a patriarchal society we live in and it clings to male privilege very tightly. I might contest “changing” gender” and prefer gender expression contrary to prior physical presentation, but I remember writing on this societal rationalisation in order to cope with trans lives, including that some can only cope with it being a defect and that many men see it as defection and betrayal of male primacy. It is undermining precisely because of the perception of female as subservient.
Cyrsti Hart
Janie, saying someone is “pulling off” being twin spirited is the same as saying someone is “pulling off” being transsexual and transgender.
It’s cool to be a cross dresser and pull off looking like a woman…but the others go so much deeper.
You make it sound like most of the culture is built out of deception…in fact all of it except the cross dressers.
Also where would you put the gender queer or gender fluid folk in all of this?
Maybe I’m missing your point here?
One of the emerging ideas is that people ARE allowed to live in the gender moment because that’s the way they feel. Would you deny them that?
Janie
Quite apart from saying that being twin-spirited is built on deception; I was addressing the perceptions or suspicions of others that it might be.The language of “changing genders” or “pulling it off” is the accusatory language of deception and disingenuousness.
My point was that people who oppose transgender rights on the basis that it gives us an unfair advantage, or who perceive that it is something we can do when convenience dictates, or is a way for us to claim special advantages should remember that 1. not that many people claim to be transgender or gender variant 2. fewer still claim to be both genders 3. there is a huge downside and risk to going out in this world as transgender. and 4. most of us who are gender variant are obvious to everyone and cannot “pass” in society as purely male or female and thus cannot take the advantages of both (or either for that matter) for themselves.
As a rule, we are NOT fooling anyone, we are not trying to; we are not doing this to gain an advantage – we are just being who we are. Is that clearer?
Cyrsti Hart
Hi Janie,
1 & 2.-I think the basic difference in our discussion is I question the numbers you quote.. I have never seen those hard numbers plus in my world they don’t compute.
3-I live as a transgender woman and please tell me where the downside is…? Do you live as a trans woman?
4.- I’m kicking the vanity of “passing” out of this discussion. It’s true most cross dressers do worry about it but your “minority” gender fluids or variants (me) lead a very real existence in the world and do our best to find away around the shallowness of appearance.
Plus how do you know most of the dual gender people have just not been driven underground…or killed? Are you familiar with the ancient Native American beliefs?
5.- i still don’t know why you worry about others thinking we transgender people (women and men) are taking advantage of society? We are just doing our best to just live! What a myth! Somehow I think my trans women and men friends would dispute that.
6.- Obviously I have hit a nerve with you on this which doesn’t really surprise me. I have read with much sorrow your gender struggle.
This caught me by surprise though. Obviously this is a very difficult subject to be subjective about.
Good luck on your search!
Janie
Cyrsti, I took no offense nor upset at your original comment, and this comment is just plain confusing to me.
If you think a large percentage of people in this world are trans, you are the first I know of who does.
If you do not see the downside to being trans – the discrimination, the lost relationships, the broken families, the violence, the difficulty getting jobs, the HIV epidemic, etc., then I am very happy for you. Again, you are the very first to ever express this opinion to me. In my view, the staggering suicide and attempted suicide numbers among trans-folk evidence some sort of (losing) struggle against that downside.
“We are just doing our best to just live! What a myth!” I think you misunderstood my statement – all I meant was that we are just living our lives and not trying to take advantage of anyone. If that is a myth, it is (bad) news to me.
It looks to me that if any nerve has been touched, it has been yours. I am not sure why that is, but I meant no offense. You are arguing emotionally about issues I never dreamed would raise any contention at all.
Also, I do want to say that the last emotion I have meant to engender in those who care about my story is sorrow. Perhaps it was just a poorly chosen word on your part, perhaps it was the one you really meant, but if the latter, it is misplaced. I am fine and happy and discovering myself and sorting out my thoughts. It is true that I seem to have endless questions, and sometimes go in circles. It is true that sometimes I say provocative things. But, that’s the way I roll. Your sorrow is misplaced.
Ashley
Janie: What I have noticed about your musings over these couple of years is a slow but steady development from a person “toying” with cross gender experiences to a person really questioning what gender they should be. As you say, you have sometimes circled in your path only to down the same circituous route. Gender paths are like that. It is so intense that you need someone to guide you. Not to provide answers but to sand above the fray so to speak and let h=you know where a path leads you. Which is why I’ve been suggesting therapy for the longest time..
Janie
I do get that, Ashley. Thanks.
Andie
It does feel a bit like working towards the nerve endings, Janie. I too have read you for some time now, and you have at times been very philosophically distanced from yourself. I too am a keen observer of my own life, I too have rationalised feelings in order to keep my footing. But sometimes it feels like you are counting angels on a pinhead.
First, gender is not choice, it is identity. Second it isn’t conformity: if you are fluid, that is as authentic as binary. I am surprised at ending up as binary as I feel. Third, fitting in with others is not an exclusively trans thing. I know so many dysfunctional families, where people lose out every bit as much as I have as a result of transition. Life is inconvenient, but only if we want easy conformity. So fourth, gender does not hinge on what we can keep or lose. It is of itself. It is about authenticity on our own terms, being as we really are.
Some cannot take the tension between authenticity and pressure to conform, because conformance is what we are taught and conditioned to survive by. Discovering that it is not so is quite a revelation, but almost an emperor’s new clothes event.
All I can urge you to do is to find enough support to establish and feel secure in as authentic an identity as you can, and to even allow that to mature and change, but without reference to others.
Janie
Andie, I can’t disagree with anything you have said; my only puzzlement is why it seems to others that I might… except perhaps to some small extent on the gender choice point…
Let me also add that while I agree that fitting in is not exclusively a trans challenge and that others also have troubles, that doesn’t change the fact that being trans, in and of itself, almost always creates a very large problem fitting in and amplifies or adds to the trouble-factor in most anyone’s life – and while doing authenticity on one’s own terms is great theoretically, practically it has provided insurmountable challenges to many of us, who, in attempting the ascent, have died by their own hand or others’ or have given up hope.