Transgender Life

hiding

Hiding

3 of 19  © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
hiding

“I am much more comfortable now (getting out of my house and into my car) but it’s still a challenge. It gets a little tiresome, hiding. It kind of weighs on your spirit in some respects. So sometimes I’ll just make a run for it, for the car. I don’t know how many times people have seen me or not. No one’s ever said anything. Nothing’s ever changed, so then it doesn’t matter, right?

I try not to go places where I know people know me as a guy. But other than that, I just walk around. It’s a big enough city that I don’t usually run into people. I don’t know that many people.” – Claire Black (Janie)

masculinity

Masculinity

2 of 19 : © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
masculinity

“I have my own idea of what a man is, and I have my idea of what a woman is, and I don’t want to mix them. I just find that it feels much more natural to me to be feminine as a girl rather than as a guy. I’m comfortable with the way I am as a guy, you know? The things that I do as a girl, I don’t have a desire to do as a guy. I don’t think they fit there.” – Claire Black (Janie)

Exposure

Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity to hang out with a talented photographer; she wanted to take some pictures and hear my story.

The result was more than I could have expected.

Filtered through her keen eye, artistic sensibility and focused curiosity, she managed to coax out of me a collection of evocative pictures and words, and assembled them into a Photo Project she calls “A Day with Claire Black (Janie).”

To be honest, I was quite surprised when I first saw the photos – I had no idea of what she was seeing during our time together until that moment.  I think the whole collection is wonderful.

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Radioactive Drag Queens from the Year 3000

I laughed; I cried.  It was entertaining; it was touching; but it was misguided. Such a drag!

We have an amateur festival of plays here aptly called the Fringe Festival – performances that are often off the wall, sometimes brilliant, sometimes awful, but always under and hour and cheap.

The title of this post is the title of the performance I took in tonight.  Apparently, by the year 3000, drag queens will be the most respected people in society.

There were plenty of laughs and some heartfelt performances in this story about an aging wanna-be drag queen waitress in a drag bar, whose performance of a lifetime ends up being a celebration of her drab self.

“It takes a lot of courage to put on a dress; it takes even more courage to be yourself.”

Hmmm…  there’s a mouthful…

…but so disappointing…

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Wardrobe Malfunction

So there I was, getting out of my car in my coolest and loveliest sundress.  I locked the car and put my keys in my purse.  Then, hoisting my purse onto my shoulder, I walked behind the car, preparing to cross the street.

I heard a metallic clank and looked down and back to see a sewer grate.  What could have made the noise, I wondered.  I knew my keys were in my purse.  So was my cellphone.  And, my sunglasses were on my head.

Oh well, could have been anything…  I had to pee, so I went on my way.

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total lack of consideration for the trans community

Mad Mad World – No Consideration for Others

Has common sense gone out the window?  Have people no sense of decorum, or consideration for others?

I could do no better than to shake my head in disappointment and shame after reading a story published by SF Weekly (their blogs section @  /thesnitch/2011/06/crossdressing_man_us_airways.php) late last month.  It concerned the denial of boarding privileges to a black football player who was wearing sagging baggy pants that exposed his underwear, while, in a separate incident, allowing a white man in his 60s to board wearing only a bra and panties. (Click here for the original story. ed. note: link removed due to security concerns about originating site.)

This whole episode offends me on so many levels. 

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Just Be

I have run a few posts questioning my sanity and wondering whether I should be doing this tgirl thing.

In response, a friend (possibly tiring of my incessant whining 😉 ) wrote in and advised me to stop overthinking my existence and just enjoy being who I am – “one pretty, feminine girl,” in her words.

My first thought in answer to her comment was, “I wish I were as sure as you are.”

But, a more interesting thought followed on its heels, as I wrote my response to her comment.

I said then, “Believe me, if the world around me laid down a path to happiness lined with pink flowers and lace, I’d not think twice about it.”

As the words escaped my keyboard, their truth rang out.

It seems that what is not among the many uncertainties with which I am grappling, is any doubt that I would be perfectly happy to live as a woman.

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Invisible

I am not accustomed to the political side of transgender life, so my attendance at today’s Trans March was a new thing for me.

As you can see from the photos, in the course of my participation, I happened to lend a hand to a couple of girls who were carrying a banner, and was photographed doing so.

Not a good idea for someone whose family and friends don’t know about my alter-ego. I had some concern I would end up on the front page of the newspaper and so made a point of checking the headlines and video.

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Pride Goeth Before the Summer

Being Pride Week hereabouts, I thought a post on Pride would be appropriate.  The title of this post is, of course, a play on the well-known biblical phrase from Proverbs.

So, what is Pride?  Well, depends who you ask.

These days, you are most apt to hear about it being a celebration of GLBT (+ an alphabet soup of other letters that have been appended thereto) rights, achievements, solidarity, community.

And, we have much to celebrate, and much awareness still to bring to the community at large; we have come far but have far to go.

But, much about the Pride parade has always made me uncomfortable. 

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Now Why Did I Start This?

Many of us t-girls struggle with doubts about whether what we are doing is natural or delusional, self-fulfilling or self-destructive… or is it just me?

The problem is one of perspective. 

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